Nothing Like a Poke in the Heart


In the days leading up to my heart surgery (which was just an ablation, not open-heart, but five hours with laser-tubes from my groin to my over-electric heart), I really really got scared! I’m not sure what I was scared of, but let me tell you, I was shaking kind of scared. I thought I might have another Drain-O incident for my near hyperventilation. I would think things like, what if my body goes to sleep but I can still feel it all and I can’t speak to tell them – – silly, silly me. Fear takes away all our common sense.

I had so avoided the idea of surgery that I hadn’t found a sitter for my pre-operation appointment. At 9:30 the previous night, I finally called Robin Kimler, and she is just one of those women that doesn’t know how to stop ministering, and she’s not annoying. That lady oozes servitude, the kind that works like she has a major crush on someone, like she is totally in love. How refreshing! She loaded up all of her many children into her large van and drove one town over to be at my house Wednesday morning to care for my children while I went to get poked with slow needles for the pre-op.
She didn’t know that before she came, I had talked myself down from an imaginary ledge. My hands were still tingling from all the funny breathing I was doing because I just couldn’t get it together. (I know better than that, by the way, but knowing isn’t all there is to it, sometimes.) As I got Ian’s bottles ready and headed for my keys, she asked me if we could pray. It was a nice prayer, and I was whispering my usual agreeing yeses, when suddenly she told me to repeat after her. 
This has never happened to me before. What in the world is she going to get me to say, and to God, no less? 
Robin: I repent … Repeat it! I repent …
This is when I’m like OH Crap! Repent? Shouldn’t I know?
Amber: I repent? 

Robin:  … of fear, and I lay it at Your feet.
Amber: [hear long exhale here!] I repent of fear, and I lay it at Your feet!
Then I repeat her say, “I repent of anxiety, and I lay it at Your feet.” I can’t explain how I wanted to crawl into my bed after that; I was so at rest. 
That and the following day, the day of the procedure, I repeated those phrases countless times and found myself over and over again in the presence of a God all about making me clean – one bath after another of peace. 
After the surgery has been harder because of the anesthesia fog and more substantial news about my heart. My mother-in-law quoted Phillipians 4:6-7, 
Be anxious for nothing, but in all things by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving,
 let your requests me made known to the Lord, 
and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, 
will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.

Sometimes it takes a poke in the heart to remember just how minute to minute this walk with God can be .

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amberhaines
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4 Comments

Sarah
Reply April 15, 2008

Amber, I'm so thankful Robin came that morning. I FREQUENTLY have to ask God to calm my fears and worry, but never once have thought to repent of it. I need to.

Craig & Cindy
Reply April 16, 2008

Amber, I'm sending little prayers for you...

Cindy

Craig & Cindy
Reply April 16, 2008

Amber, I'm sending little prayers for you...

Cindy

Amber
Reply April 16, 2008

You guys are the best.

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