another case of hilarity and tragedy intermingling


ff1This week was made of a big virus and a mini-van that wouldn’t start, so one of my own personal funny moments was only in reflection of an unfunny moment.

The clanging outside is at a high because men are working on the roof of the house we’re renovating, which is in front of the house where we live. Everyone settles down for their naps. I am unguiltily surfing so much internet that my brain is hot, and I am finally about to settle into a project, when someone bangs loudly on the door. 

I have a dog, and sometimes he eats the food right off my plate, and sometimes he runs out into the horse field where they’ll congregate in the mud to do their business, and then he’ll run inside and wallow in my bed. I often do not love my dog. This time is no exception. 

Babies are sleeping. A knock rattles the door, and Miles bares every tooth and claw and plunges himself at its screen. The skinny guy on the steps jumps back a bit. All my babies begin to wail.

“Yes, ma’am, uh, we were wondering how, uh, we might be able to get inside the house since we’re working on the, uh, roof it might be, uh, easier to do some of it from, uh, inside?”

He gets slower and slower as he is speaking and begins to walk backward. I am kneeing my dog, and yelling over my shoulder for Isaac to go back to bed, and I flash my lasers eyes toward him and say,

“Yes, sir, did you try the door?”

“Oh, no, ma’am. That’s a good idea. I’ll try the door.”

Sweet Mother of Georgia Brown, y’all!

——————————–

Something else that made me laugh myself to stitches this week, that I’m sure did not feel funny at the time, is a comment left by my girlfriend and a great writer, Milton, from Vaught Thoughts. She commented on my thumbsucking post with this:

Okay, this is about to be ugly. Both my brother and I were thumb suckers. Hard core ones like your boys. My remedy was that in K4, I was a swingin’ on the parallel bars on the play ground and I did it for so long, my hands got sweaty and I lost my grip, flew of the bars and into the gravel. My right hand was bend inward. I broke both bones. My cast was up to my armpit. I never sucked my right thumb again. However, my left one tasted pretty okay. The next year in K5, I was trying to get away from Jeremy Jones in a game of “kiss chase.” I was swinging from the monkey bars almost to the end when he caught me. He swung his legs around my uniformed little body and down we both went. This story was as scandalous then as it is now. I landed on my left elbow and broke it. Cast up to my armpit. I never sucked ANY thumb ever again.

My brother was worse because he never broke bones. He’d fall and roll. I fell and broke. My parents would put that nasty tasting ointment for sores (campho-something-or-other). At first it worked until he learned he could suck through the nasty to get to the good. So, his dentist sent him to an orthodontist where they put an appliance into the roof of his mouth that poked his thumb when he’d put it up there disallowing the pleasure of a good thumb suck. Nothing was groser to me than this memory of him though. One night we’d had some pasta something for dinner and Michael later puked. He did make it to the toilet, but, a noodle from his innerds came up and got stuck in his appliance. He couldn’t wait to show me and gross me out. The torment of an older brother! However, the appliance did work. He stopped sucking that thumb!

Now, it’s your turn. If you have a funny story, share it with us in the comments. If you’ve written a funny post, grab that sweet little Friday Funnies button in the sidebar, linking to this post, and let’s catch the giggles together. Don’t forget to leave your link in the comments.

AND, don’t forget to check out The Mother Letter Project today. I dearly want to read your letters.

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amberhaines
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19 Comments

Megan @ Hold it UP to the Light
Reply March 6, 2009

Hate that we're laughing at your expense....but I can totally relate to that first one! My dog has a habit of barking only when children are sleeping (he's smart like that).

I have to work today, so my Friday Funny is up extra early! I can't wait to get home tonight to read all the others...

http://www.holdituptothelight.com/2009/03/friday-funnies-maybe-im-not-only-one.html

Jennifer
Reply March 6, 2009

Ah Miles...Some things never change :) Did the boys get back to sleep?

Jen
Reply March 6, 2009

On the subject of dogs... Several years ago (before we had our son), it was just us and our two dogs- Duncan, a 100 lb lab and Winston, a 19 lb dachshund. One 3 a.m. John was woken up by Duncan barking and after several attempts to ignore him, got up to see what was the matter. He threw his robe on and headed out the back door. As he stepped through the door, he stopped nose-short of a giant spiderweb, grumbled and went back in for a broomstick.

After clearing that out of the way, he found that though he could hear Winston barking frantically, he was not to be seen anywhere. He followed the sound to the backyard of the empty house next door. Several minutes of calling to him presented no weiner dog, so he proceeded to climb the 6 foot privacy fence (in nothing but his boxers and robe mind you!). Winston was trapped in an old garden surrounded by an electric fence, whining and barking frantically. John managed to coax him out, but then was faced with the problem of climbing back over the 6 foot fence with a freaked out weiner dog. He (the ever-so-logical man that he is) called Duncan over to the fence, reached over and slid Winston down Duncan's back, then climbed back over and came inside.

I, being a ridiculously heavy sleeper, was blissfully unaware of any of this until the following morning.

Desha
Reply March 6, 2009

Don't people realize that naptime is sacred?

http://davis-beautifulchaos.blogspot.com/

Desha’s last blog post..Friday Funnies....

Krissy - BarefootMommies
Reply March 6, 2009

Wow, you're really close! Where abouts in Fayetteville are you?
That's awesome, I've yet to meet anyone on here from this part of Arkansas!

Krissy - BarefootMommies’s last blog post..Lavanila Home of 100% Healthy Collection

Courtney B.
Reply March 6, 2009

My brother and I were thumb-suckers too. I'm talking closet thumb-suckers till we were like 12. Ridiculous, I know.

Here's my Friday Funnies link:

http://courtneyb613.blogspot.com/2009/03/friday-funnies-gotta-love-kiddos.html

Courtney B.’s last blog post..Friday Funnies - Gotta Love The Kiddos

Jo@Mylestones
Reply March 6, 2009

Oh, those crazy dogs. My dog has the same affinity for nap time barking. It must be in their dog DNA or something.
I don't have a new funny to share this week. But I did do a post on behalf of the dog (the 4legged step child) a while back that might fit the theme this week:
http://mainelymyles.blogspot.com/2008/01/4-legged-step-child.html

Jo@Mylestones’s last blog post..Lions and Tigers and Sea Gulls, Oh My!

Sara
Reply March 6, 2009

I have a funny post today.

Sara’s last blog post..It's Funny Now.

Kelly @ Love Well
Reply March 6, 2009

I'm usually a friendly person, who answers the front door with a smile.

Unless you mess with naptime. Then I get NASTY. My eyes narrow, my hands attach to my hips and I hiss "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!? My KIDS ARE SLEEPING!"

No wonder the man was backing away.

Kelly @ Love Well’s last blog post..January Thaw

Kimberly
Reply March 6, 2009

Yeah, I often want to string up the dog, but then she does something so stinkin' cute that you have to love her!

Kimberly’s last blog post..kk is for konvincing

Seth
Reply March 6, 2009

Kelly,

I've seen Amber do that and as infuriated as you are when you do it, I can tell you that the man in your life thinks it's stinking cute.

Seth’s last blog post..NEW SITE

BlueCastle
Reply March 6, 2009

Oh Amber! I feel so bad for you. I would've given the guy "the look" too.

Would you believe that this week I had some funny things set aside, just for Friday Funnies? Then, I forgot all about them until my kid said something hilarious at dinner followed by "Are you gonna put that in Friday Funnies?" So, 20 min later, here I am adding my piddling contribution to your funny meme. :)

BlueCastle’s last blog post..Friday Funnies

BlueCastle
Reply March 6, 2009

Yup, I'm that smart. I forgot to add the link:
http://www.sarahsbluecastle.com/blue_castle/2009/03/friday-funnies.html

BlueCastle’s last blog post..Friday Funnies

Milton
Reply March 6, 2009

Thanks for love friend. We were lovin' each other all over cyberspace today.

What I didn't write on my thumb-sucker comment was the rest of the story. When I broke my left elbow (the second break), the doctor set it wrong and so after I got my cast off, my arm was crooked for years. I'd hop up on the counter to get marshmallows or something and have my jankety left arm buckle, only to fall and smack my chin on the counter. I'd be doing a backhandspring on the trampoline and I'd land on my head. Besides the occasional accident, it was also ugly. I saw an orthopedic surgeon and he immediately suggested surgery. They did it. They sawed a wedge of my bone out, swung it back around like it was supposed to be and pinned it up. I had two sets of casts, physical therapy and I still don't have full range of motion on that arm. ALL that for "kiss chase!" I hope your boys never stop sucking their thumbs this way AH, but if they do, it does make for a good story. I love ya sweet girl.

Milton’s last blog post..The Runamuck

Mary-Catherine
Reply March 6, 2009

Oh, girl, I was born in Blytheville! You've probably never even heard of it...it's the armpit of the United States...I grew up in Tennessee...but then when I was in the midst of my 18 year old wisdom I had to go and marry what I thought was just a handsome hunk of a waiter but turns out, he was really a handsome hunk of a sailor...so now I'm a Navy wife livin' in Hawaii...Hawaii, ya'll!

Here's my latest funny...oh who am I kidding, it's my latest dorky moment.

Mary-Catherine’s last blog post..Target Opens!

Amber
Reply March 7, 2009

BlueCastle, that makes me smile so big. I'm so glad you did. I'm serious that I would love it if it were added on Monday.

Milton, I promise you write just how you sound in real life.

Mary Catherine, of course I know where Blytheville is. My daddy's entire family is from West TN, and my mentor's family is actually from Blytheville, itself. Yes, Hawaii must be a little different from that wide river bed.

I LOVE it that y'all have linked in here. It's really fun to me.

Robin ~ PENSIEVE
Reply March 7, 2009

Poor Amber. Naps are NECESSARY for the sanity of a mother. ANYTHING that gets in the way of 'em? Must.Be.Dealt.With. Severely and quickly. Worker boy was wise to back away, I'm sure your aura spoke volumes ;).

FUNNYPITIFUL Milton, too! Oh, dear. Of course, I'm all about seeing the humor, even if it's in retrospect, so good for you (and Milton).

:) One day I'll write a Friday Funny...you know I've got stories to tell ;).

    Amber
    Reply March 7, 2009

    Awww, man. I love me some Robin comments.

Adventures In Babywearing
Reply March 9, 2009

Oh both of those are just hilarious!

Steph

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