how I eat this book


First I have to believe. That’s always it isn’t it? It isn’t that I wonder if there’s a God. It isn’t hard for me to believe that One was born of a virgin – none of that. Sometimes I just doubt forgiveness. I doubt grace, and in this doubt, I become spiritually anorexic – if I eat, I give my identity / control to Someone who should damn me.

I know I am not alone in this. Some of my friends are starving, too. We dwindle and become disoriented. We nibble lies – forget the Gospel, the cross. So many Christians zombie through.

So when I haven’t eaten in a while, I have to retrain my spiritual stomach to accept it.

Like a baby does, I have to call the milk sweet before I nestle.  I relearn to root. I start with the tongue. I have to believe so I hold something in my mouth.

“for the Father Himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I have come forth from the Father.” John 16:27

And I do believe it. I taste it. I taste Word, the original element out of which was all, is all, will be all. I go back to the elemental things if I have to – not to the high position of arguers but to the low position of simplicity. I believe He loves me. 

I’m allowed here, and I keep on eating, because it is so sweet.

holy experience

amberhaines
About me

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE

When We All Speak a Foreign Language
January 20, 2017
What do you taste?
November 08, 2016
If Love is the Only Goal
January 04, 2016
Women Set Apart
February 23, 2015
The Barbarian’s Heart
February 11, 2015
True Story
September 24, 2014
The Divine Face
December 06, 2013
Begotten: Notes from The Creed
October 15, 2013
The Need to Look In
October 10, 2013

17 Comments

Brad
Reply July 22, 2009

Well said, Amber. A blessing to read your post this morning.

Abra
Reply July 22, 2009

Beautiful. So true. I am right there with you.

Abra’s last blog post..Shoe Fetish.

Ann Voskamp@Holy Experience
Reply July 22, 2009

That's it, isn't it? We doubt the need to eat. We look in the mirror and we think we look beautiful enough, strong enough, without eating. Precisely: "We doubt forgivness. We doubt grace." Your phrase encapsulates it: spiritual anorexia....

Suckle the sweet and the true and the needful, friend...
Your words give me an appetite too, prime the gut for the good...

All's grace,
Ann

Whitney
Reply July 22, 2009

Beautiful post. I'm so glad to have this blog in my life. I'm with you.

Jo@Mylestones
Reply July 22, 2009

I think this is one that belongs in your book somewhere. Great analogy.

The believing of grace, forgiveness, that he loves me, that's the hardest part for me too. But the Word is the continual cure for this continual struggle.

Jo@Mylestones’s last blog post..The White Elephant Gift

Christin
Reply July 22, 2009

"I go back to the elemental things if I have to - not to the high position of arguers but to the low position of simplicity."

I like this. Thank you for stopping by and leaving a word.

Christin’s last blog post..Worthless Things

brittney
Reply July 22, 2009

I needed this today.

brittney’s last blog post..Summer Vacation Sneak Preview

HisFireFly
Reply July 22, 2009

Only because of His grat love are we allowed to drink and eat and find our nourishment in Him.

This was a beautiful post. Thank you.

Jen@Balancing Beauty and Bedlam
Reply July 22, 2009

I need to nibble on this for awhile...so much truth here. :)

Maria
Reply July 22, 2009

I love your words here... The metaphors speak to the heart and paint a 1,000 words.
I humbly take to heart what you have written here ... Thank you for such beautiful inspiration. ~Maria

Jane Anne
Reply July 22, 2009

I love your analogy.
These words: 'when I haven’t eaten in a while, I have to retrain my spiritual stomach to accept it' are painfully true and real.
These words: "I go back to the elemental things if I have to - not to the high position of arguers but to the low position of simplicity. I believe He loves me. " are beautiful.

I'm off to visit Walk With Him Wednesday. I haven't visited Ann in a while. Thank you.

Jane Anne’s last blog post..Wonderful Wednesday: Two Kisses, Two Monumental Moments

Catherine
Reply July 22, 2009

He is indeed sweet! Beautiful post!
Blessings,
Catherine :)

Tina Carothers
Reply July 22, 2009

You are a blessing to my heart/spirit.

Jill
Reply July 22, 2009

Lovely.. "the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ 2 Cor 11:3"

melody
Reply July 22, 2009

mm

deb
Reply July 22, 2009

allowing myself , that by grace , I can better nourish my children

BlueCastle
Reply July 22, 2009

Beautiful. Somehow you keep writing just what I need to read.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *