on the fog


I would like to tell you about the fog over the field of lazy horses, how it hung this morning like a lie you want to believe – one that says I’m deep in the country and all I have to do today is read. It’s gone already. I’m in town. The sun evaporates the grasses dry.

warrior cook

I would also like to tell you about my youngest and his obsession with weapons and cooking utensils – how he cooks pancakes and kills bad guys simultaneously.

If it were possible, I would consider writing my boys’ in-depth knowledge of Star Wars and how (yes, though a story of redemption) they share it with any stranger they can bust free to tell. Our neighbor had company, and J ran to him in the yard, held his hand, and witnessed to him about Anakin’s hate. Oh, the gospel of Star Wars be damned. How I wish I had a DVD of Jesus in action. How we want to see it to believe it.

AND if I could tell you anything, I would tell you how sometimes I growl. Growl until my throat rips. Sometimes I walk away and grit my teeth. And then at night I wake in a surge of work-till-tears adrenaline, a full natural cocktail of zealous chemicals, how I switch on with the misplacement of  hair.

In spite all of this, there’s a baby girl in my heart, and I can’t wait to be her Mama. I want to tell you about that, how I would be her Mama tomorrow and how I know it doesn’t make any sense. 

How not much makes sense when you’re exhausted, but you just get up and keep going, and you say your prayers where they eek out, how everything in some phases seems so inappropriate. So Incomplete. But it’s not. We just don’t know fully, but we are completely known. How glad I am of that. 

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10 Comments

Jo@Mylestones
Reply September 7, 2009

Is he seriously using his diaper as a sheath for his swords and spatulas? Hilarious!
I'm not sure about the Jesus Action DVD. I'm thinking there is plenty of sacrilege material here--like Jesus as a Transformer. More than meets the eye....

Amber
Reply September 7, 2009

oh, yeah, that sounds kind of bad doesn't it? I'm not into the idea of Jesus Transformers at all.

I want them to be into Jesus like they're into Star Wars, and they can relate to Star Wars because it's something they can see -- even though Star Wars isn't the true story.

I promise. They're obsessed.

melissa
Reply September 7, 2009

the sword holder is hilarious! also looks slightly dangerous.

being a mama of girls is a sweet, sweet blessing.

brittney
Reply September 7, 2009

I like your explanation of the Jesus Action DVD. I hope all believers pray that their children be as enticed with the Lord as we are called to be.

I also wait patiently to hear more of baby girl and see pictures of her in the room you have prepared for her in your house and in your heart.

Jane Anne
Reply September 7, 2009

I love the expression on your little man's face. I like imaging the fog, too. Unfortunately, I have way too many days where I growl. Completely known... perfect ending to your post. I'm focusing on being still today. My house is never still during the day. But, I am trying to remember to remember to still my busy mind and heart and spend time with God. Let's see, it's 6:30 so that will be in about an hour and half (maybe). Thank you for sharing your perspective with me.

Kelly @ Love Well
Reply September 7, 2009

I chuckled at this, in a knowing sort of way.

My five-year-old son is also never without his imaginary like-saber. (He insists I've been saying it wrong all these years.) He lives to fight the bad guys, and he's always chattering at me about his adventures.

Have you seen the book series "Will, God's Mighty Warrior" by Shelia Walsh?

dawn
Reply September 8, 2009

I just love that photo...perfect!

Adventures In Babywearing
Reply September 8, 2009

Loving you tonight.

Steph

Tina Carothers
Reply September 9, 2009

Love that boy! Still looks like his Baw Baw, sweet too. : )

L.L. Barkat
Reply September 9, 2009

obsession with weapons and cooking utensils... that cracked me up!

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