I can’t be open right now in writing. Writing is only good writing when you’re all honest, and because of what I’ve been reading lately, every day for 40 days, I feel like doing some low-down waiting and shutting up.
I have felt God smile over me before, but now, in our back and forth, little nudge from Him, little thank you from me, I feel like He’s shoved me (and several dear ones near to me) up to the edge of a cliff, and He’s saying jump and watch, and I’m nervous, and He’s smiling. I don’t know if it’s the plans He knows He has, or if it’s that I’m suddenly aware of how tightly he holds.
Devastating news lately has mad me so disappointed with humankind that I pray Jesus returns and swoops us up into grandeur — our dirtiness, the dust particles chemically combusting into Spirit Body Complete. Knowledge of the Depravity of Man ought to magnetize us to the Only Holy.
He draws me now, and He’s ruining all my plans, and I’m sad about it, mostly about all the gross inside me, how easily disappointed I am – how I put so much hope in the hopeless and flammable.
I have not yet servant bowed at anyone’s needy feet. I haven’t fed starving mouths or pulled the homeless into my guest bedroom, but I’m asking Him about it, about what it means to have “freedom to enjoy God,” (Is. 58:13 MSG) and from Him is the clearest YES I’ve ever heard. So now is the waiting. Now is the beginning of JOY. Now — all my plans get washed away with everything else in the basin.
Some things have come up. I can’t say them here. But something’s up, and I would love it if you prayed for us. No, we’re not saving the world. This concerns only our microbial speck on a speck in this universe. So tender and personal.
Have I just given the trusty “unspoken” prayer request from the thoroughly ridiculous youth group days? Raise your hand if you remember the “unspokens,” because I know you’re giggling with me.
Also, after writing this, tomorrow I’m posting the tackiest post of all time. My friday funny is going to be a classic.
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