an unspoken


I can’t be open right now in writing. Writing is only good writing when you’re all honest, and because of what I’ve been reading lately, every day for 40 days, I feel like doing some low-down waiting and shutting up. 

I have felt God smile over me before, but now, in our back and forth, little nudge from Him, little thank you from me, I feel like He’s shoved me (and several dear ones near to me) up to the edge of a cliff, and He’s saying jump and watch, and I’m nervous, and He’s smiling. I don’t know if it’s the plans He knows He has, or if it’s that I’m suddenly aware of how tightly he holds.

Devastating news lately has mad me so disappointed with humankind that I pray Jesus returns and swoops us up into grandeur — our dirtiness, the dust particles chemically combusting into Spirit Body Complete. Knowledge of the Depravity of Man ought to magnetize us to the Only Holy.

He draws me now, and He’s ruining all my plans, and I’m sad about it, mostly about all the gross inside me, how easily disappointed I am – how I put so much hope in the hopeless and flammable.

I have not yet servant bowed at anyone’s needy feet. I haven’t fed starving mouths or pulled the homeless into my guest bedroom, but I’m asking Him about it, about what it means to have “freedom to enjoy God,” (Is. 58:13 MSG) and from Him is the clearest YES I’ve ever heard. So now is the waiting. Now is the beginning of JOY. Now — all my plans get washed away with everything else in the basin.

Some things have come up. I can’t say them here. But something’s up, and I would love it if you prayed for us. No, we’re not saving the world. This concerns only our microbial speck on a speck in this universe. So tender and personal. 

————

Have I just given the trusty “unspoken” prayer request from the thoroughly ridiculous youth group days? Raise your hand if you remember the “unspokens,” because I know you’re giggling with me. 

——-

Also, after writing this, tomorrow I’m posting the tackiest post of all time. My friday funny is going to be a classic.

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18 Comments

Aunt Pam
Reply September 10, 2009

Yes, I remember those days in the "youth group"!
I hope you feel a big hug from me right now..and of course, a prayer is on its way!

Megan @ Hold it Up to the Light
Reply September 10, 2009

Praying for you friend, and feelin' ya.....yep, I've been shoved before!

Adventures In Babywearing
Reply September 10, 2009

I was just talking about those unspokens and girl am i living one right now.

Steph

Shauna
Reply September 10, 2009

Praying for you & your speck.

Bianca
Reply September 10, 2009

For the silent prayer requests, I will keep you in prayer :) May your JOY be full today :)

dawn
Reply September 10, 2009

sometimes it's just not time to share...those times are so hard for me and my over-sharing self!

I pray for encouragement for you and for you to hear God's voice clearly on your speck.

enjoy your blog...

mandie
Reply September 10, 2009

I'm praying for you girl! My family is in the middle of an 'unspoken', too. It's kinda rough being a bit isolated, but I guess we're really not isolated, just disillusioned- me, anyway.

much love-

mandie

Fiona
Reply September 10, 2009

Praying for you too.

Don't ever think little of your 'unspokens' cos that is your reality at the moment and whatever your reality is - it is important to you and to God and there's no comparing it to the grand scheme of things. Its important cos you are important. (Sorry don't mean to sound preachy!)

Cassandra Frear
Reply September 10, 2009

We all carry hidden burdens. If everyone were to lay them down on the floor in full view, I'm certain we'd all be shocked. You just never know what the person next to you is carrying in their heart, on their back.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato

Wisdom for the ages! I pray for kindness to you in your battle.

brittney
Reply September 10, 2009

"Knowledge of the Depravity of Man ought to magnetize us to the Only Holy."

I am going to write that on a post-it and carry it with me in my pocket.

I will be praying for you from my own little speck.

Jo@Mylestones
Reply September 10, 2009

I admit I giggled a little bit at the reference to the old youth group unspoken.
But what amazes me is how you say so much, point us all in the right direction, even when you are talking about NOT speaking.
Do you remember the edge of the cliff that Jill & Scrub got pushed over, blown across to Narnia (in the Silver Chair book)? I totally thought of that when you talked about God shoving you to the edge. And I love that analogy--of being blown by the breath of God Himself, into the places He has for us.

Laura
Reply September 10, 2009

I'm totally giggling :) praying for you and your corner of the world... but giggling too, as I remember how it sounded then circled in our youth group setting, but moreso (in a childlike appreciation and joy) because at this point in my life I now know more intimately the God that hears me pray for you and smiles down at me, nodding his head and says, I know exactly what you're talking about, and I'm on it! God bless you guys!

emily
Reply September 10, 2009

the most eloquently spoken unspoken I've ever heard.

Minnesotamom
Reply September 10, 2009

I'm raising my hand, though I hadn't heard of the "unspoken request" until we moved here to the Twin Cities (and I was 26). We had one girl in our small group who would consistently say she had an unspoken request. I never understood what the heck that meant.

Megan@SortaCrunchy
Reply September 11, 2009

I giggled with the unspoken but I prayed, too.

"Devastating news lately has mad me so disappointed with humankind that I pray Jesus returns and swoops us up into grandeur" - that is me every time I watch the news. Even so, come Lord Jesus . . .

Kelly @ Love Well
Reply September 11, 2009

I, too, laughed at the unspoken reference. Did you ever see the unspoken used as a throw-down? Like when a girl would throw a nasty look to her former best friend and then hiss, "I have an unspoken."? Ah yes, the glory days of Christian youth.

As for the other -- I'm also wrestling with the future of the unknown. May we all see God clearly and not be afraid to follow Him, no matter where He leads.

By the way, that's one of the reasons I love your blog, Amber. You encourage me -- literally, infuse me with Godly courage.

the scooper
Reply September 11, 2009

Oh girl, I am laughing and wavin' that hand on the unspokens. Was every youth group really just the same like that?

Seriously though, I will pray.

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting
Reply September 12, 2009

We all have those unspokens we wish to have help with, even if we don't wish to share the details. You have my prayers and thoughts with you, and a shoulder when you're ready. *mushy lovin'*

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