There you are.
I know I speak from an odd position considering friendship. I met my best friend here the first day I moved to Fayetteville, and I immediately fell into a circle of peers who cares for me, even if they’re nothing like me. This town is really good at community from my perspective. Remember that I am a strange cookie. I hardly ever don’t feel like an oddball when I’m with other women, so I’m no expert, but lately I’ve been thinking a lot about a few emails I’ve received regarding The Sister Parties and friendship.
So many of us have been hurt by the mean girls. I have. It’s interesting because I’m studying Beth Moore’s Esther, It’s Tough Being a Woman, and yesterday’s lesson was about dealing with this mean world and with mean girls in particular. Sometimes they seem to have taken over; you know the ones: self-centered gossips, controlling, hurtful, insecure, hurting. They’re out there by the hateful room-full. They’ve made me cry, and I’ve wished they would wash their hair with Nair.
In thinking about this world populated with people who just need a friend, I have to suggest that if a mean girl has made you into a mean girl or has kept you from reaching out to other women, get with God on the insecurities that started all that and learn the truth about who you really are – – not that I’m even close to having that down.
Beth suggests that we make positive sure that our enemies are also God’s enemies, and then heap burning coals of love on their mean little heads. Love them, don’t be afraid of them, but don’t try to make BFF with them. Also, Listen! We’re not all mean girls.
If making good friends means that we first consider being a good friend, then what does it look like to be a good friend? When a friend is good to me, she seems to have mustered up the energy to actually be around people, and she musters up the interest to introduce herself, even if I’m different. She doesn’t try to be like me, but instead she’s honest. She listens. She’s usually positive.
She never starts immediately into her thyroid problems or her hysterectomy. She doesn’t walk in and say, “Here I am!” Rather, she walks in and says, “There you are!”
A friend of mine named Staci seems to always be the one that gets an earful of my negative gripes, and she handles me by asking the best questions. She is the queen of good questions, never assuming I’m a thing like she is. I bet she knows twice as much about me as I do about her, and let me tell you, she is one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had, and without ever having to confront my negativity, she makes me feel loved and resolved after every conversation to humble myself and get a new gratitude habit.
Tonight I’m having my Sister Party, and I invited a few friends to come over wearing their sweat pants. I’m making a crock-pot chocolate cake, and I’m not going to obsess over my mess. I’ll do what I can, and after that, I’m going to enjoy the relationships.
I can’t wait to hear about all your Sister Parties October 22-24. To see a list of the prizes for next weekend, see this post. Thank you for celebrating friendship with me. So what is it you consider a good quality in a friend?