A NightLight Guide: What is Intimacy?
Last week we talked about Purity, tackling intimacy, consequence, and the marriage bed. The following post came as an email response to last week’s discussion,which can continue to carry on this week. Please take the time to read and respond to this most candid and challenging question. I absolutely believe it has everything to do with every reader who has ears to hear. Let our response to this anonymous writer be honest. Let us cut out the language we’ve memorized with our minds and give a right heart response – in truth and in all grace.
I guess I’m asking the questions because I don’t know what I’m saving “it” for anymore. I’ve waited and been obedient, and I’m not talking about waiting 5 year. I’ve waited past the point where it’s probably unrealistic for me to think about having a family. That’s important because I don’t want you thinking you’re talking to a 22 year old who thinks 6 months is an eternity.
Last week’s comments talk about waiting and how happy they were that they did and that God blessed them with this great marriage and/or the grace of forgiveness. I’ve waited and waited and I’ve been pure, and there is still nothing but a huge void in my life, and I don’t want to believe that is God’s purpose for me, but I don’t know what else to believe. I know He created me a sexual being and a being that craves intimacy. I don’t know why He hasn’t chosen to fulfill this in my life. I find myself if what He really has planned for me is second-best. I don’t want to settle for that, but I’m feeling so torn apart.
I know you wrote in one of your comments to seek intimacy with God. I’ve been a Christian all my life, and I just don’t know what that even means. It sounds charismatic and cliché at the same time. It’s not tangible enough for my analytical mind – quite like the posts where people say they were “missing something” on their wedding night.
I feel upset when people suggest that they were blessed with something because of their obedience. Maybe they were blessed because they were just blessed, just because He wanted to. It suggests that those of us who haven’t experienced it that we haven’t waited enough, been obedient enough, aren’t something enough to enjoy His blessing. I grew up in a very legalistic denomination, and I know I struggle having followed all the rules but not getting the fairy tale. It’s something I tangle with constantly.
This series has humbled me. The responses last week have encouraged me to pursue God in a new way. We’re all struggling. Thank you for encouraging me to grow in faith. Thank you for commenting here. Even the honest voices who say “I don’t know” are healing. Thank you for pointing to God here.
Please take a minute to read the NightLight Submission Guidelines and send a post of encouragement to women younger in faith or a question to those of us who might be more mature in faith. Email me at NightLightGuide@gmail.com.