Let’s Talk About Sex: on Naked Time and Modesty, a guest post by Lora Lynn


All right, married ladies, this one’s for you. Lora Lynn of Vitafamiliae is a hilarious Alabama blogging friend of mine. I love her, and I love this post. Enjoy!

On Naked Time and Modesty

After four years and no vacation, I made my husband a promise in a fit of desperation, “If you book us some time at a beach, I’ll wear whatever bikini you want.”

I’ve never worn a bikini before.

Four weeks later, I found myself in a beautiful cottage beside the beach, tugging and pulling my dimples and stretch marks into a bikini and fighting the panic in my throat. By some stroke of luck, there was no full-length mirror in our rooms, so I had to be satisfied with the look of approval on my husband’s face. I squared my shoulders, sucked in my exhausted uterus, and told myself, “He’s earned this. Go rock this suit.”

The un-crowded beach during off-season was a good time to shun the modesty I’d worked so hard for all my life. We walked the beach and I fought the urge to bury myself in the sand. Over time, my husband’s enjoyment and the sheer fact that nobody around me cared made me more comfortable. I relaxed. (I kept my shoulders back and my tummy muscles pulled in, of course, but I relaxed.) Because I’m fair-skinned, I got sunburned and the result was I wore nothing but spaghetti straps and low necklines for the duration of our trip.

And I was comfortable. Not just in my clothes, but in my own skin. I felt great. I felt cherished. I felt every bit as sexy as my husband told me I looked.

Three days into our vacation, we were sitting on the beach, and I felt my husband’s eyes on me. I considered pulling in my gut and then just smiled back at him, totally relaxed. He said, in all seriousness, “I feel cheated.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I’m your husband. Your body is mine to enjoy, and I love looking at you.
I love watching you wear this. I love how comfortable you’ve been these past few days. And I feel like, because of other people, I’m getting cheated out of what is mine to delight in.”

He had a point. In the Beginning, we were created for Naked.* Adam and Eve were perfectly comfortable in their birthday suits until sin entered the world. Almost immediately, they felt naked. They wanted to hide.

So often my insecurities and my own dissatisfaction with my body cause me to hide and deprive my husband of that which is rightfully his to enjoy.

Our marriages are the closest expression to Eden that we have. I can wait, wrapped in the fig leaves of prideful optimism, for the stretch marks to disappear, or I can let the breezes of Eden brush my inhibitions away. I can open my arms wide to the pure freedom of my husband’s desire.

But how do we reconcile that freedom with the need to dress modestly in order that we not draw attention to ourselves, but always glorify the Father?

It’s a contradiction I cannot resolve to perfection in this imperfect world. But here are some practical suggestions:

1 – Carry yourself like Eve. When it was time to come home from the beach, I put on my modest clothes. But I kept my shoulders thrown back, I kept the sway in my hips, I kept the carefree attitude. I walked like a woman who knew her husband found her exciting. At home with my full-length mirror, I immediately felt those extra 15 pounds and every stretch mark across my skin. But I closed my eyes, imagined the ocean nearby, and tried to reclaim my “naked groove. “I know it sounds silly, but close your eyes against the image in the mirror. Imagine Eve in the Garden… We cannot wait until that mythical moment when we feel sexy and desirable. We must BE sexy. We must WANT to be desired.

2 – Give your husband the Gift of Immodesty at every chance. Clothes these days are made to flatter women’s bodies. As “God-fearing women,” we buy clothes that flatter us in the right places and then we make modifications to keep them “ acceptable.” Just as soon as the kids are in bed, I make it my goal to remove all the camisoles, undergarments, and leggings I use to make my outfits modest. I resist the urge to pull on my comfy sweats and baggy shirts.

Instead, I wear my flattering clothes in the most flattering way possible. And then I go about the evening routine. Just like I imagine Eve might have tended the Garden in her birthday suit.

3 – Schedule Naked Movie Night. We rent whatever movie it is we want to see, put the kids in bed, make a cozy pallet, and strip down. We cuddle tight snuggled under blankets and just enjoy being naked together. My husband says this goes a long way toward meeting his need for physical touch outside the bedroom. If Adam and Eve had a DVR, I bet this is how they would have enjoyed the new releases. (Word of Caution: Beware wayward popcorn kernels.)

This is by no means a perfect list. But hopefully it will inspire you to Get Naked with your husband. Allow him to delight in you. Feel his pleasure. Feed his pleasure. Close your eyes and, just for a moment, let the freedom of the Garden wrap its arms around you. Just as God intended…

*For context, see Genesis 2:18-25.

Visit Vitafamiliae. Also, to submit guest posts to theRunaMuck (on anything interesting), email them to NightLightGuide@gmail.com.

After four years and no vacation, I made my husband a promise in a fit of desperation, “If you
book us some time at a beach, I’ll wear whatever bikini you want.”

I’ve never worn a bikini before.

Four weeks later, I found myself in a beautiful cottage beside the beach, tugging and pulling
my dimples and stretch marks into a bikini and fighting the panic in my throat. By some stroke
of luck, there was no full-length mirror in our rooms, so I had to be satisfied with the look of
approval on my husband’s face. I squared my shoulders, sucked in my exhausted uterus, and
told myself, “He’s earned this. Go rock this suit.”

The un-crowded beach during off-season was a good time to shun the modesty I’d worked so
hard for all my life. We walked the beach and I fought the urge to bury myself in the sand. Over
time, my husband’s enjoyment and the sheer fact that nobody around me cared made me more
comfortable. I relaxed. (I kept my shoulders back and my tummy muscles pulled in, of course,
but I relaxed.) Because I’m fair-skinned, I got sunburned and the result was I wore nothing but
spaghetti straps and low necklines for the duration of our trip.

And I was comfortable. Not just in my clothes, but in my own skin. I felt great. I felt cherished.
I felt every bit as sexy as my husband told me I looked.

Three days into our vacation, we were sitting on the beach, and I felt my husband’s eyes on me.
I considered pulling in my gut and then just smiled back at him, totally relaxed. He said, in all
seriousness, “I feel cheated.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I’m your husband. Your body is mine to enjoy, and I love looking at you. I love
watching you wear this. I love how comfortable you’ve been these past few days. And I feel
like, because of other people, I’m getting cheated out of what is mine to delight in.”

He had a point. In the Beginning, we were created for Naked.* Adam and Eve were perfectly
comfortable in their birthday suits until sin entered the world. Almost immediately, they felt
naked. They wanted to hide.

So often my insecurities and my own dissatisfaction with my body cause me to hide and deprive
my husband of that which is rightfully his to enjoy.

Our marriages are the closest expression to Eden that we have. I can wait, wrapped in the
fig leaves of prideful optimism, for the stretch marks to disappear, or I can let the breezes of
Eden brush my inhibitions away. I can open my arms wide to the pure freedom of my husband’s
desire.

But how do we reconcile that freedom with the need to dress modestly in order that we not draw

attention to ourselves, but always glorify the Father?

It’s a contradiction I cannot resolve to perfection in this imperfect world. But here’s some
practical suggestions:

1 – Carry yourself like Eve. When it was time to come home from the beach, I put on my modest
clothes. But I kept my shoulders thrown back, I kept the sway in my hips, I kept the carefree
attitude. I walked like a woman who knew her husband found her exciting. At home with my
full-length mirror, I immediately felt those extra 15 pounds and every stretch mark across my
skin. But I closed my eyes, imagined the ocean nearby, and tried to reclaim my “naked groove.”
I know it sounds silly, but close your eyes against the image in the mirror. Imagine Eve in the
Garden… We cannot wait until that mythical moment when we feel sexy and desirable. We
must BE sexy. We must WANT to be desired.

2 – Give your husband the Gift of Immodesty at every chance. Clothes these days are made
to flatter women’s bodies. As “God-fearing women,” we buy clothes that flatter us in the right
places and then we make modifications to keep them “ acceptable.” Just as soon as the kids
are in bed, I make it my goal to remove all the camisoles, undergarments, and leggings I use
to make my outfits modest. I resist the urge to pull on my comfy sweats and baggy shirts.
Instead, I wear my flattering clothes in the most flattering way possible. And then I go about the
evening routine. Just like I imagine Eve might have tended the Garden in her birthday suit.

3 – Schedule Naked Movie Night. We rent whatever movie it is we want to see, put the kids
in bed, make a cozy pallet, and strip down. We cuddle tight snuggled under blankets and just
enjoy being naked together. My husband says this goes a long way toward meeting his need
for physical touch outside the bedroom. If Adam and Eve had a DVR, I bet this is how they
would have enjoyed the new releases. (Word of Caution: Beware wayward popcorn kernels.)

This is by no means a perfect list. But hopefully it will inspire you to Get Naked with your
husband. Allow him to delight in you. Feel his pleasure. Feed his pleasure. Close your eyes
and, just for a moment, let the freedom of the Garden wrap its arms around you. Just as God
intended…

*For context, see Genesis 2:18-25.After four years and no vacation, I made my husband a promise in a fit of desperation, “If you
book us some time at a beach, I’ll wear whatever bikini you want.”

I’ve never worn a bikini before.

Four weeks later, I found myself in a beautiful cottage beside the beach, tugging and pulling
my dimples and stretch marks into a bikini and fighting the panic in my throat. By some stroke
of luck, there was no full-length mirror in our rooms, so I had to be satisfied with the look of
approval on my husband’s face. I squared my shoulders, sucked in my exhausted uterus, and
told myself, “He’s earned this. Go rock this suit.”

The un-crowded beach during off-season was a good time to shun the modesty I’d worked so
hard for all my life. We walked the beach and I fought the urge to bury myself in the sand. Over
time, my husband’s enjoyment and the sheer fact that nobody around me cared made me more
comfortable. I relaxed. (I kept my shoulders back and my tummy muscles pulled in, of course,
but I relaxed.) Because I’m fair-skinned, I got sunburned and the result was I wore nothing but
spaghetti straps and low necklines for the duration of our trip.

And I was comfortable. Not just in my clothes, but in my own skin. I felt great. I felt cherished.
I felt every bit as sexy as my husband told me I looked.

Three days into our vacation, we were sitting on the beach, and I felt my husband’s eyes on me.
I considered pulling in my gut and then just smiled back at him, totally relaxed. He said, in all
seriousness, “I feel cheated.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I’m your husband. Your body is mine to enjoy, and I love looking at you. I love
watching you wear this. I love how comfortable you’ve been these past few days. And I feel
like, because of other people, I’m getting cheated out of what is mine to delight in.”

He had a point. In the Beginning, we were created for Naked.* Adam and Eve were perfectly
comfortable in their birthday suits until sin entered the world. Almost immediately, they felt
naked. They wanted to hide.

So often my insecurities and my own dissatisfaction with my body cause me to hide and deprive
my husband of that which is rightfully his to enjoy.

Our marriages are the closest expression to Eden that we have. I can wait, wrapped in the
fig leaves of prideful optimism, for the stretch marks to disappear, or I can let the breezes of
Eden brush my inhibitions away. I can open my arms wide to the pure freedom of my husband’s
desire.

But how do we reconcile that freedom with the need to dress modestly in order that we not draw

attention to ourselves, but always glorify the Father?

It’s a contradiction I cannot resolve to perfection in this imperfect world. But here’s some
practical suggestions:

1 – Carry yourself like Eve. When it was time to come home from the beach, I put on my modest
clothes. But I kept my shoulders thrown back, I kept the sway in my hips, I kept the carefree
attitude. I walked like a woman who knew her husband found her exciting. At home with my
full-length mirror, I immediately felt those extra 15 pounds and every stretch mark across my
skin. But I closed my eyes, imagined the ocean nearby, and tried to reclaim my “naked groove.”
I know it sounds silly, but close your eyes against the image in the mirror. Imagine Eve in the
Garden… We cannot wait until that mythical moment when we feel sexy and desirable. We
must BE sexy. We must WANT to be desired.

2 – Give your husband the Gift of Immodesty at every chance. Clothes these days are made
to flatter women’s bodies. As “God-fearing women,” we buy clothes that flatter us in the right
places and then we make modifications to keep them “ acceptable.” Just as soon as the kids
are in bed, I make it my goal to remove all the camisoles, undergarments, and leggings I use
to make my outfits modest. I resist the urge to pull on my comfy sweats and baggy shirts.
Instead, I wear my flattering clothes in the most flattering way possible. And then I go about the
evening routine. Just like I imagine Eve might have tended the Garden in her birthday suit.

3 – Schedule Naked Movie Night. We rent whatever movie it is we want to see, put the kids
in bed, make a cozy pallet, and strip down. We cuddle tight snuggled under blankets and just
enjoy being naked together. My husband says this goes a long way toward meeting his need
for physical touch outside the bedroom. If Adam and Eve had a DVR, I bet this is how they
would have enjoyed the new releases. (Word of Caution: Beware wayward popcorn kernels.)

This is by no means a perfect list. But hopefully it will inspire you to Get Naked with your
husband. Allow him to delight in you. Feel his pleasure. Feed his pleasure. Close your eyes
and, just for a moment, let the freedom of the Garden wrap its arms around you. Just as God
intended…

*For context, see Genesis 2:18-25.

amberhaines
About me

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15 Comments

Kristen@Moms Sharpening Moms
Reply October 15, 2010

I LOVE your thoughts here, Lora Lynn. For me, it has been easy to blur the lines between modesty and body insecurity. There are lots of things I don't like about my body, so for much of my life I kept it covered in the name of modesty. BUT...then we lived in Hawaii for 3 years. Turtlenecks are not your friend in Hawaii! :) Hawaii is HOT! And bikinis? Gals are rocking them EVERYWHERE (even church...with a cover-up...usually.) Now, I carry the world record for the most stretch marks (gift from my twins). So I can't do a bikini, but I can rock sundresses and halter tops. And my husband LOVES me in them. LOVES. Tells me I'm beautiful like a zillion times every time I wear one. And silly me, I never get tired of hearing that! So, even though we are no longer in Hawaii, I will still wear them!

Obviously we are called to be modest, but I believe we can dress modest and classy and still look hot for our husbands! I dress for him, not for others.

Thanks for the great food for thought! Have a wonderful weekend!

nicole
Reply October 15, 2010

Great post! So much to think about and implement. I think the key here is not the actual clothes, but the attitude that we are beautiful and desired by our husbands and when we act like we believe that it shows. Modesty can go along with desirability for sure.

Amy
Reply October 15, 2010

You have just made several husbands super happy, they will just never know it was you. :)

I think this is an important element sometimes missing from marriages. I remember telling my mom "I want to work to keep his heart at home" and my mom thought my husband was so awesome he would never leave and I didn't need to put in the extra effort. I love my mom, but I disagree, men need those things...A LOT!

Shannnon
Reply October 15, 2010

Another tip: let him know what you're wearing UNDER your modest clothes. While you're out, nobody knows but the two of you....

Amanda
Reply October 15, 2010

After reading this, all I can think is, "what about this wayward popcorn kernel?"
Why is it that it is so difficult to believe our husbands, when they tell us we're beautiful? No matter how much I try to accept his compliment, I want to argue with him and ask, "are you blind?!" while pointing out all of my flaws. After reading this, I'm going to try to believe him a little more each time and quiet my negative self-talk. Thank you for such a wonderful and inspiring post!

Aimee
Reply October 15, 2010

This is hard for me to read, to the point of tears.

I, too, have blurred the line between modesty and body insecurity. It goes beyond what we all struggle with, thanks to marketing execs who have shown us what the "perfect" body is--one that is unattainable to any of us because it truly does not exist. Even still, we all feel as though we pale fiercely in comparrison. And I *wish* I was only 15 pounds more than I "should" be. Fifty pounds feels impossible.

My struggle with my own nakedness stems from 2 things: abuse I endured when I was younger and 2. my husband's foray into pornography.

Even though my God is bigger and stronger than these things, I've never gotten to the point where I am enough. I constantly feel not enough; I never measure up. I never feel good enough, even though my husband has tried to convince me otherwise. My argument is, if I was enough, why did he have to (literally) look elsewhere? I never dreamed that his sin would affect me so deeply and for so long. Yes, for the abuse, my heart has been healed and for the porn, healing has started, but I wonder if I'll ever be anywhere near what I was created and intended to be.

The tears that wet my face spring from a wish that I felt enough. I so deeply want to be ok in my own skin.

Corinne
Reply October 15, 2010

This was such a lovely read!! And a good reminder...
So often I just ignore my husbands playfulness, as it's hard sometimes to get past the laundry and the being mommy, but a sense of playfulness (which nudity can play a prominent place!) is such a key to a happy and healthy marriage.

Shannon
Reply October 15, 2010

What a fantastic post, Lora Lynn!

Amber
Reply October 16, 2010

Aimee, what you've written here, just thank you for saying it. I know that too too many of us struggle this way. Too many of us have been hurt, and the mind battle is pretty squirmy, hard to pin down in order to deal with them rightly.

I'm only just now learning the power of renouncing things that are not true - to even verbally, out-loud disagree with lies that enter my mind.

Cassi
Reply October 18, 2010

What great thoughts and ideas. Great conversation starter for partners. thank you

Kelly @ Love Well
Reply October 18, 2010

I've learned so many of these beautiful, truthful lessons the hard way. A few years ago, God allowed our marriage to go up in flames. During the rebuilding, we slept naked every night (for about 18 months, I think), and it was HUGELY comforting and reaffirming. It created intimacy even without sex. (Imagine.)

Thank you for reminding me, Lora Lynn. It's easy to forget to carry myself like Eve when I'm carrying a baby on one hip. But it's possible. I've done it before.

To Think Is To Create
Reply October 18, 2010

Loved this LL! We've been intentional with this around here for the last several months and it's made such a huge impact on our marriage. Resounding endorsement, here. :)

Aimee
Reply October 18, 2010

Amber, thank you so much for responding. I had started an email to ask you to please take the comment down, because I second-guessed putting my stuff out there, making myself even more vulnerable. I questioned the wisdom of that, and appreciate your sweet words. But life "interrupted" that and you never got it.

Please know that I think what Lora has written is BEAUTIFUL. It's what my heart longs for. I felt like I pulled the post down and that was never my intention. Very rarely am I so moved to tears (sobs, really) by a blog post. That tells me that this is something the Father is going to have to deal with and heal on a deeper level.

Kelly Langner Sauer
Reply October 23, 2010

I want to "like" this post now. Yeep!

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