pour me out, fill me up


There is a cabinet here, thin bowed glass, a metal push handle, claw feet. Each shelf trusts metal pegs, like the stick in the ground that holds a gentle elephant in place. My plates, I brought them all, the china, the platinum rim. I brought the stemware, the goblets for parties of 12. There are two cake stands, a tea pot, silver salt and pepper shakers, a few vases.

Not for the box, I had said. Ah, and now how boringly those things take up space, unlike all the books.

My body is not bored. My belly grows, and apartments don’t suffer decadence or parties of 12. So I plan to make room for a child, week 10 inside, shaped like Thumbelina, the size of a tart kumquat.

I gladly make room, remembering that process that should never be allowed to stop, the pouring out so more can pour in.

I went to a coffee shop on Saturday, and I poured the decaf and sat to make my deadlines, and then an old friend and a new friend walked in. We three talked for over two hours, and I left with that feeling of blessedness that comes from mountains, the undeserved beauty in shared story, good words.

Poured out expectations, then overrunning with the wine of life, I don’t want the story that I make up, the one I plan. I want the one drenched with surprise, where God’s spirit dips his fingers in wet and daily splashes my face awake; the one that reminds – You know God; the one that says – Follow fire, even if the fire is in seeing the smile of a friend peek from behind his wild beard.

amberhaines
About me

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15 Comments

Kelly Sauer
Reply January 10, 2011

[Love.]

Kristen@Moms Sharpening Moms
Reply January 10, 2011

Yes...what Kelly said!

hamster
Reply January 10, 2011

i love when these suprises happen.

Elora
Reply January 10, 2011

Follow fire, even if the fire is in seeing the smile of a friend peek from behind his wild beard. - this made my breath catch. yes. this is what i want.

Amber
Reply January 10, 2011

hamster, what's funny is that you aren't really even our old friend. You just feel like it. Arkansas needs some Latonya in it! Tell her I said that.

kendal
Reply January 10, 2011

i don't want the story i plan. i have a friend who needs your last paragraph but she's away from electronics. i will print it and send it the old fashioned way. and i will pray that she follows fire.

deb
Reply January 10, 2011

thank you , Amber.
you just gave a birthday girl the words she has been waiting for all day.
thank you, blogging.

thank you... stories I don't plan.

ali
Reply January 10, 2011

soooooo...good! how is your body pregnant and your brain also clear enough to think this through? I'm amazed ;)

Ann Kroeker
Reply January 10, 2011

My friend Charity (charitysingleton.blogspot.com) chose the word "empty" for her word-theme of the year, and she is emptying her closets and shelves to make room for her sister to stay with her for a few months. She is emptying space, so that it can be filled with family, "the pouring out so more can pour in." Your post made me think of hers.

And your life is a delight!

laura@life overseas
Reply January 11, 2011

Beautiful words, again. I love the idea of the pouring out of our plans to make way for the pouring in of Him and His better one.

sara @ it's good to be queen
Reply January 11, 2011

"I don’t want the story that I make up, the one I plan. I want the one drenched with surprise, where God’s spirit dips his fingers in wet and daily splashes my face awake." yes, i need to read these words today. i do want this. at the same time i am fighting against change and everything going topsy turvy when i had a plan. i know his plan is best....just trying to get my heart to know it too.

Beth
Reply January 11, 2011

You make things I've thought sound so much better, and help me to continue thinking in ways I hadn't quite thought. Beautiful.

Karrie
Reply January 11, 2011

Week 12 here......lots of pouring out.....ready for God's plan.

Elizabeth @claritychaos
Reply January 11, 2011

I do too much planning.

I love how happy this post feels.

I am smiling that you described the growing baby in the feminine.

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