When You’re Low


pic :: weheartit.com

The yard is thick with crab grass, which makes me feel right, and every step passed it releases a world of hateful chiggers. No matter how beautiful the dress and sandals or manicured the toes, chiggers find a way to violate a woman, make her remember that in her heart, after all, she’s barefooted and prefers to be where chiggers are an option.

Today is a no makeup day. Tiny grasshoppers leap 20 times the length of their bodies, those alien summer fairies and their purr. Across the yard, tomatoes dot the garden, the little ones I grew up calling tommy toes. A deer has nipped the tops of just about everything else, which may be just as well. It’s so dry here.

I worry about friends in Colarado Springs with all the fire. I worry about the soil’s grip on the water here. What you expect to come out on the other side of hard work feels a lot like HOPE.

And when you find your hope on things like rain or health, family or friends, position or wealth, you find it a flittering thing. Walking past our muddy low pond, pollywogs writhe. The frogs twitch out of sight.

It’s called humility to remember how great is God and how little I am, my dress-tale tucked up to make a tomato basket. I am in the low way, and that has made me friends with brittle grass. Some people get to water their gardens with tears.

It’s okay to be broken-hearted, to be in the waiting for rain. It only means that God will reveal Himself fresh, not as if He’s not already present, because He is. He’s even already answered.

In the distance, I see a cloud and in it a man on a white horse of thunder.

Nature cranes its neck waiting, mouth open.

Oh my soul, I lick the Psalms for breakfast.

—–

Forget self-esteem. What is your Christ-esteem?

amberhaines
About me

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21 Comments

Wynnegraceappears
Reply June 28, 2012

This speaks to me like an old trusted friend. And the balm of understanding soothes the rough patches. .....because of your words.

Jessica Y
Reply June 28, 2012

oh heavens. this.

    Jessie Siega
    Reply August 23, 2012

    This is very inspirational. There is always time that we feel low but make sure to overcome it afterward.

Shelly Miller
Reply June 28, 2012

I've been here, in several of the moves we've made, all crab-grassy and dried up broken hearted. I love the way you say it, but I am sad for the watering of the garden with your tears. Praying for you Amber.

Seth
Reply June 28, 2012

I like this. Like it a lot. I wish we had a guinea foul, though. I hate chiggers.

Airs
Reply June 28, 2012

I got a good dose of Christ-esteem yesterday from my MIL of all people. Sent a verse reminding me that He understands our weaknesses, that we only need draw near the Throne of Grace. I needed the reminder. xo

    Amber
    Reply June 28, 2012

    It sounds so trite to say, but scripture is so powerful, even like CPR sometimes.

    I love you. I wish I were near to you to know more, but I really like, too, how the Spirit makes us think of each other.

tonia
Reply June 28, 2012

I don't even know what a chigger is, but I like this here post a lot.

A shaft of light, she reaches in and gathers treasure....One beautiful word at a time, Amber.

    Amber
    Reply June 28, 2012

    Oh Tonia, if I ever get the chance to introduce you to a chigger, I won't.

    We Haines people love you as much as we know to. The comment you left on yesterday's post was very encouraging to me. Thank you, friend.

    Seth
    Reply June 29, 2012

    YOU DON"T KNOW CHIGGERS!?! You are a blessed woman indeed.

    A chigger is a mini-devil, a mite that burrows under your skin and sucks your blood, generally around hem lines. My mother used to sing:

    "Oh there was a little chigger but he wasn't any bigger than the head on a very fine pin;
    But the bump that he raises it itches like crazes and that's where the rub comes in."

      tonia
      Reply June 29, 2012

      Well, that's terrible. Why do you have those things around? :)

      I've never even been to the South, so there's a whole lot about the world I don't know, I guess. But between the chiggers and the heat, I'm thinking I'm going to just stay ignorant up here in God's country.

        Seth
        Reply July 3, 2012

        So that you can vicariously experience how evil these little bugs really are:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trombiculidae

Shania Wright
Reply June 29, 2012

Even though sometimes you get low, it is still important to remember that there still tomorrow and you can solve it.

Kathy
Reply June 30, 2012

I need to lick the Psalms for supper. I need to sing at the top of my lungs. I understand the low and pray the clouds burst open and fill you up. We are sisters in our need for a soaking. Blessings!

Casee
Reply July 3, 2012

Sometimes I wonder, how on earth I can come here and consistently see my soul laid bare in your words. Then I remember we walk the same dirt-skinned journey and I have to smile. Thank you for sharing your words. Thank you for reminding me that when I'm trudging, right in the thick of it, I'm not alone, He's here, and so are you and so are so many.

Robin ~ Pensieve
Reply July 4, 2012

I forget just how magical your writing voice is until I wander over for a spell. Goodness, Amber, this is pure and lovely, a reminder that words rightly matched strum symphony.

On the matter of Christ-esteem, it came by way of an acquaintance email, who found me to be brave when I had no idea she was looking and listening.

Sidnie
Reply July 4, 2012

We're leaving what some would call a stable life... a life full of that water and hope, you talk about... but a life we're tired of living, a life that seems to drown us...
We're leaving that life and headed to who knows what... I don't know what comes next. I know we'll leave this foreign land and go back home. We'll unload our things in my childhood bedroom and the guest room of my parents house and then what?
We wait for rain, I guess.

Humbled. That I am.
Because we're choosing to leave, we're choosing to trust, choosing to know he'll bring rain somewhere else...

imperfect prose
Reply July 5, 2012

i often lick the psalms for breakfast. it means so much that you do, too.

Eve Donalds
Reply July 14, 2012

How inspirational. To be honest, I don't know what a chigger is but I just love everything about this post. Thanks a lot for sharing.

Dawn Reid
Reply July 19, 2012

There is always another day to achieve what you want so if you think this day is not good to you maybe tomorrow will be the right one.

Fay Macrae
Reply August 1, 2012

Thank for sharing this inspirational post. It is important to go through always in our life in order to achieve the thing we want.

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