Do it.


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This is the phase of little ones waking at 5:15 AM. All the processing I plan to do before sunrise gets shoved to the side for the diapering and feeding, which is fine, too, because this is my real life. Seth came home from work midday yesterday shivering like something I’ve never seen. We knew immediately that it was either flu or malaria. Our doctor friend came over and feels confident he has the flu, though the test was negative. Regardless, this is the stage when all plans to write turn into a really good pot of chicken noodle soup.

It’s okay really. I have no excuse. The entire day yesterday I had planned to write then, too, but instead I shoe-shopped on the internet because there’s a masquerade ball coming up, and all my fancy shoes make my feet feel broken within about 20 seconds. Shopping for shoes on the internet is like the book “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.” I came to desire strappy shoes with a short cocktail dress, but I can’t do that unless I wear panty hose. Otherwise, I would have to get a tan. All this caused an identity crisis, because I considered laying down with the devil in a tanning bed (Lord, have mercy on my soul), and when have I ever wanted to wear panty hose? Also, is it okay to wear panty hose with shoes that are open on the side? This is serious. It took an entire day of my blessed life.

I look over to Titus now, a two year old trying to put on a pair of gloves. That’s how I feel, too, buddy. I get frustrated.

I am frustrated by my own yo-yoing philosophies no matter how much scripture I ingest. I’m frustrated with how we playact church but seem to often miss the point. I am frustrated by my own desire to find identity in ministry. There are obvious flaws in my orthodoxy because there are flaws in my praxis. I’m certain that the place I find the inconsistencies most are in my writing, and that’s much of what I’m afraid of here. I used to be so brave, but now I don’t want to reveal it. I’m certain that I have a great deal of work to do, and honestly it’s making my bones burn like fire. This is the real reason for all the shoe trouble, all the distraction. I have work to do.

My girlfriend, Laura of Hollywood Housewife, wrote a post about her word/phrase for the year, and since I tend to borrow her phrases every year (last year it was Start Where You Are), I have decided to follow her again with DO THE WORK.

I believe that when we’re frustrated, it doesn’t have to be for nought. It doesn’t have to stop short and simply turn the person into a huffing brat. Frustration can be the first burning sparks of holy desire. I believe that I am not becoming cynical. I believe a vision is coming together. I believe that I can share here without fear. I believe that I will do the work, and whether I be run-of-the-mill or overly spiritual, I plan to come here to do it.

Now here’s to my hushing up about all the work I’m going to do! Here’s to just doing it.

amberhaines
About me

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20 Comments

Kristin Potler
Reply January 21, 2014

::Standing slow clap:: You did it and I like it.

LL
Reply January 21, 2014

YES! Just like this...

Also? "Frustration can be the first burning sparks of holy desire ..." Sweet mercy that's a good word. Believing it with you and for you and for me.

Ashley
Reply January 21, 2014

said it so well! i am frustrated by my own yo-yoing-mine regarding my insecurities, confusions, and inabilities. frustration doesn't have to be for naught-love that. more of Jesus, less of me. that's my prayer.

Melissa Feddersen
Reply January 21, 2014

Oh man. I can't wait.

Brandee
Reply January 21, 2014

I believe in God in and through you.

Tammy@meadowsspeak
Reply January 21, 2014

I believe being quiet, silencing and searching, is one of the least recognized brave's. In not thumping out a theology like a machine is a harder thing, in my opinion. Brave has many faces in the Spirit and tends to run counter culture to what the world teaches. My two cents. Because I always love reading your journey.

    Amber
    Reply January 21, 2014

    It's all according to what you're being told to do. Usually if I'm being told to speak, I'm wanting to be silent, and if I'm being told to be silent, I'm wanting to speak. There is a definite flesh:spirit tug of war for sure. So brave is obedience, whatever that may be.

kristen
Reply January 21, 2014

It is so easy to have a pity party and not get up. I think there are an insane amount of distractions that keep us from "doing the work." I love your writing and this word.

Annie Barnett
Reply January 21, 2014

I'm trying to think of some profound comment to write here, but all I've got is "me too." Write on, sister.

Kelly @ Love Well
Reply January 21, 2014

Yes. So much yes. I can't think of anything profound either, must like Annie, because I'm too busy tying my boot laces into double knots so I can march, as wobbly and knee-knocked as I might be. I'm fighting to do it, even if I trip and fall and make a fool out of myself.

Addie Zierman
Reply January 22, 2014

Lovely. And yes. Thank you Amber.

Robin Troxell
Reply January 22, 2014

As always your writing is like breath to me. I feel like you get "it", get "me" somehow. I have noticed that I have no place for quiet in my life - radio is on the car, background noise at home always with three kids, and I think I have a hard time going to look for quiet because what if I find it? and what if I hear a still small voice?

Melinda Viergever Inman
Reply January 22, 2014

I'm doin' the work, and I feel exactly like you, dear Amber. The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Coldness of heart in the church is eating a bitter hole right through me. So, I'm going to keep doin' the work. And crying on Jesus' shoulder, because he knew exactly how this felt, too.

Megan at SortaCrunchy
Reply January 22, 2014

This is all of my life in this one moment written by you in one single blog post. All of it. Everything. And yes.

Marcy
Reply January 22, 2014

I'm in the middle of a shop-the-house reset otherwise know as a heart crisis. Working out the transitions in my life by moving chippy shabbed up tchotchkes has this place looking like Goodwill at 5 pm on half-price Saturday. I sat down in tears with I Cor 13:12 and then came here. My options have been redefined. I believe, Lord help my unbelief.

I believe that when we’re frustrated, it doesn’t have to be for nought. It doesn’t have to stop short and simply turn the person into a huffing brat. Frustration can be the first burning sparks of holy desire.

Kim o.
Reply January 22, 2014

Four babes and a sick husband...I remember those days...don't be so hard on yourself. As for the tanning booth and panty hose, do neither, especially the tanning bed!!! Try self tanner, it works splendidly and will set you back around $10. For a decent brand. Start three days before and you can wear any strappy sandal you like. I love the stuff.

Elizabeth W. Marshall
Reply January 23, 2014

Reading, cyber-hugging and applauding.
Hearing, so so getting, following the journey of
YOU, beautiful you.

Jennifer Frisbie
Reply April 29, 2014

Wow, Amber, I have no idea how I stumbled upon this older post but it must be a God thing. I needed to hear this today like you would NOT believe.

There are just no other words. Thank you for being real!
~Jennifer

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