Will They Stay if You Change?


09282015_AmberHaines_LampsBurning

I’ve been writing with (In)Courage for years, and the truth is that I’ve almost quit this band of sisters several times. After the peak of my son’s illness and my own battles with depression or anxiety, I had a shifting faith and questions that multiplied in my heart. Witnessing or experinecing pain can do that to even the most sturdy of believers.

I must have had some false walls that needed to be torn down, and what a mercy it was for them to fall. It was painful, but what a mercy. Sometimes when things get shifty and shaky, we need to trust that a rebuilding is coming, and I had watched several friends go through this. I knew all I needed was the Cornerstone. This is why folks get clingy to the red letters of Christ once in awhile. I had already learned to take comfort in Jesus, and I trusted Him to rebuild my faith, but in all the upheaval, I easily assumed the church wouldn’t have me if I shifted so.

What if I change? Will you leave me? I’m not big on needing to be liked by everyone. I’m not that sort of people pleaser. But fear of abandonment? I can hardly type the words. Please don’t leave me. Often I choose to leave you before you have the chance to leave me.

 

… continue reading over at (In)Courage!

amberhaines
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1 Comments

jas L
Reply September 28, 2015

I am so drawn to the idea of false walls that need to fall. Then to establish a cornerstone. I have torn down the walls so many times yet I build just another false wall around the cornerstone . Sometimes in my haste, I stumble over and around my cornerstone, always thinking how I get rid of this damn large rock rather than building not around it but on it......monos en theos ††† jasL

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