Isaac has been in the floor talking to a nearly invisible spider for ten minutes. He’s asking him if he lives in the fire place and telling him that really he should be in the grass eating lady bugs, but it’s okay for today that he stays here.

I am lately really in love with that little Isaac. Of course, I usually am, but lately, we are having a better understanding of each other. Maybe it’s that he’s getting older and that I am sypathetic to his perfectionism. We are more the same than I thought.

We’ve been sick in this house for a good month and a half. Right now I think my ear drums might burst, and I’m worried about Jude’s. Seth has had the flu and still isn’t fit with a normal head, tummy, or energy level. We have hardly left the house, and usually, I am certifiable by now.

BUT, God has given me plenty of grace to match my circumstance. I am learning about this relationship I have with Him, this talking relationship, where sometimes He tells me what to do; sometimes He says I love you, forgive you; sometimes he tells me to hush my mouth; sometimes He says nothing at all. I have stood in the middle of this house (above screaming kids and under the temptation to worry constantly about death) with my jaw dropped at His inner provision. I have before gone to bed telling myself and the Lord that I will do better tomorrow, and feel better, and think better, and then, I will myself, will so hard that I would be filled with more patience or whatever, but then my will isn’t stronger than my nature. In fact they are one and the same.

This is why I think I might one day come to better welcome harder times in the Lord. He fills us up according to His will and to His GOOD pleasure. The more I need Him, the more He gives. The Holy Spirit literally changes our minds, I believe. Does he teach, “Not my will but Yours be done” because even our good will is defective, ill-equipped, and short-sighted? I think so.

This morning I feel very full, like someone who was told she would starve this week, but then she was given her favorite foods.

About me

1 Comment

Reply December 27, 2008

great post. I feel ya... I definitely think the hard times draw us in more and more deeply.

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