The Ticker

I am bound to not turn my blog into Complainathon 2008! Here are the heart details if you please; if you do not please, wait a bit, and I’ll post information more pertaining to my deep-seated love for good eats and good reads and less pertaining to my anatomy and deep-seated issues with fear and anxiety and control.

When the doc was doing his lengthy but boring day surgery on my heart, he had to use adrenaline to rev me up a bit so he could see where the extra fire is. The smallest amount of adrenaline made my heart triple its rate. He was glad he had only given me a tiny bit.

I knew it was kind of a big deal, but I was not very moved by it, mostly because I had been pumped full of sleepynopainIcarenot medicine. The doctor prescribed me a beta blocker, and I promptly decided to not take it because I love my nursing relationship with Ian, and I want to be a little more willy-nilly about my fertility than the usual rabbit. I can’t simultaneously beta-block and baby-make.

I phoned the doc to let him know that I would not be taking the meds, and he had the nurse to call me back and tell me to stop nursing and to take the meds. It’s that important.

Seth remembers his saying that my heart is like an idle car with an engine that sits all revved up. Eventually the engine will stop if I don’t take the meds. Uplifting, encouraging, and not scary at all, huh?

I am going to harass a doctor friend to see what he says, but I think I am going to have to start bottle feeding Ian, and it hurts my feelings so badly to take away what Ian loves the most and does the best since he can’t be all into things like Star Wars and snack bars yet.

This is a trial I believe will improve my faith and lead to endurance (James 1). It’s just that in the mean time, I am sad. Please pray for us.


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Reply April 18, 2008

I am praying right now for sweet Ian's adjustment to the bottle and peace for you. I do understand and it has been hard for me to stop nursing with each of my kids, but your boys need a healthy momma more than you to continue nursing (I know you realize this I just couln't help but say it). Praying for you.

Reply April 18, 2008

oh, amber, i am so sorry. i know that it would break my heart if i were in your shoes (no pun intended!!!!!!). but, christa is right. your health is more important that nursing him. he will most likely adjust very quickly and be fine. therefore, i feel worse for you. you can still enjoy special time as you hold and snuggle him as you give him his bottle. i am so very sorry though. i will be praying for your precious heart and all the emotional/spiritual struggles that go along w/ the situation.

Reply April 19, 2008

amber hainnes, you are so strong, you are a fighter and you are right, our God is faithful, when we struggle with ours. and He knows our hearts. i struggled when harbin wouldn't nurse, and didn't want to do the bottle, but God knew what he needed...i pray that you wouldn't believe the lies and the yuck that satan will try to put in your are a good mommy and there is no guilt or condemnation to those who are IN HIM. i pray your mourning would be dancing and that the Lord would be your comfort for your sad heart. i am praying......i know it hurts to think about not being able to...just know He knows.....

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