invisible arms

I wear Ian in the stretchy fleece of my sling, and he rests down, drooling, with his head fastened to my chest and hair curling wet in the body heat. There is a private delight in motherlove, and even in public display, she can’t exaggerate to express it. All the patting on the rear at the curve that was once her belly. All the wiping back of his hair. The fifty kisses on the face during one church service.

When they all stand in worship, I can’t move. He is heavy and sleeps, and I won’t wake him, and I won’t sing. I just sit there. And behind my own closed eyes, I sway, tired from such a lack of sleep and tired from my vain imagination. And in one startling thought as if from a dream where I’m falling, I remember: I am a daughter.

They sing “All I need is You,” and I agree and say sorry. Again this morning I find myself mistaken and corrected just like that morning on the cold dorm floor where I first met You and pressed myself long in the heat of Your exposure. 

I don’t know who I am or how I got these clothes on. Carry me like I’m Your pride, and I’ll roll back my eyes and rest, sure of Your sealed arms.


This post is actually in response to a twitter from Ann Kroeker and in agreement with today’s post from Adventures in Baby Wearing.

About me


You Have Not Come to Darkness
April 30, 2014
A Haines Home Companion: On Limbo
February 27, 2014
Poor and Powerless: My First Time to Speak
April 17, 2013
A Haines Home Companion: Wrestling in Spring
April 01, 2013
7 Thoughts on that Dark Good Day
March 29, 2013
Nameless Woman: An Abstraction on the Spirit
March 27, 2013
When I Don’t Feel God
March 11, 2013
invisible things: the mountains
March 06, 2012
a thousand red birds dancing
November 02, 2011


Ann Kroeker
Reply January 18, 2009

Mmmmm....very nice. You *have* written well and movingly.

I hope you feel less like the blob you said you sometimes feel like, and more like the daughter in the arms of her Father-King.

Adventures In Babywearing
Reply January 18, 2009

You've said it so well!


Reply January 18, 2009

Hello! I found your blog through the Mother Letter project and love to read your writing. Your follow up to Steph's Deep Thought is said beautifully. Thank you for sharing your heart and your writing.

Reply January 19, 2009

Thank you for this. I wake this morning for thee first time as a mother of 4 ....all alone! My husband has returned to work and need I say....I am wiped out. I read your blog and felt the hand of the Father on my back. Thank you.

Reply January 19, 2009

Thank you guuys so much for visiting me here

Jessica, I have to say that I have never felt closer to the father than in the desperation after a baby - the hardest and sweetest time I've ever endured. Four?!

I'm next in line for four. You're paving the way. Peace be with you.

Susan R
Reply January 19, 2009

Oh Amber - how beautifully you wrote what every mother surely has to feel... and what every daughter in Christ feels as they rest in the security of our Father's arms. Praise Him!

Susan R’s last blog post..Treasures

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