another case of hilarity and tragedy intermingling
The clanging outside is at a high because men are working on the roof of the house we’re renovating, which is in front of the house where we live. Everyone settles down for their naps. I am unguiltily surfing so much internet that my brain is hot, and I am finally about to settle into a project, when someone bangs loudly on the door.
I have a dog, and sometimes he eats the food right off my plate, and sometimes he runs out into the horse field where they’ll congregate in the mud to do their business, and then he’ll run inside and wallow in my bed. I often do not love my dog. This time is no exception.
Babies are sleeping. A knock rattles the door, and Miles bares every tooth and claw and plunges himself at its screen. The skinny guy on the steps jumps back a bit. All my babies begin to wail.
“Yes, ma’am, uh, we were wondering how, uh, we might be able to get inside the house since we’re working on the, uh, roof it might be, uh, easier to do some of it from, uh, inside?”
He gets slower and slower as he is speaking and begins to walk backward. I am kneeing my dog, and yelling over my shoulder for Isaac to go back to bed, and I flash my lasers eyes toward him and say,
“Yes, sir, did you try the door?”
“Oh, no, ma’am. That’s a good idea. I’ll try the door.”
Sweet Mother of Georgia Brown, y’all!
Something else that made me laugh myself to stitches this week, that I’m sure did not feel funny at the time, is a comment left by my girlfriend and a great writer, Milton, from Vaught Thoughts. She commented on my thumbsucking post with this:
Okay, this is about to be ugly. Both my brother and I were thumb suckers. Hard core ones like your boys. My remedy was that in K4, I was a swingin’ on the parallel bars on the play ground and I did it for so long, my hands got sweaty and I lost my grip, flew of the bars and into the gravel. My right hand was bend inward. I broke both bones. My cast was up to my armpit. I never sucked my right thumb again. However, my left one tasted pretty okay. The next year in K5, I was trying to get away from Jeremy Jones in a game of “kiss chase.” I was swinging from the monkey bars almost to the end when he caught me. He swung his legs around my uniformed little body and down we both went. This story was as scandalous then as it is now. I landed on my left elbow and broke it. Cast up to my armpit. I never sucked ANY thumb ever again.
My brother was worse because he never broke bones. He’d fall and roll. I fell and broke. My parents would put that nasty tasting ointment for sores (campho-something-or-other). At first it worked until he learned he could suck through the nasty to get to the good. So, his dentist sent him to an orthodontist where they put an appliance into the roof of his mouth that poked his thumb when he’d put it up there disallowing the pleasure of a good thumb suck. Nothing was groser to me than this memory of him though. One night we’d had some pasta something for dinner and Michael later puked. He did make it to the toilet, but, a noodle from his innerds came up and got stuck in his appliance. He couldn’t wait to show me and gross me out. The torment of an older brother! However, the appliance did work. He stopped sucking that thumb!
Now, it’s your turn. If you have a funny story, share it with us in the comments. If you’ve written a funny post, grab that sweet little Friday Funnies button in the sidebar, linking to this post, and let’s catch the giggles together. Don’t forget to leave your link in the comments.
AND, don’t forget to check out The Mother Letter Project today. I dearly want to read your letters.