pure and undefiled


I can’t think of words anymore. So much of my day is spent walking back to the room where I had a thought to maybe jog my memory and remind me what it was I was going to put on my list or on the stove. When my kids go to bed at 8:00, I am so exhausted that I can barely blow Seth a kiss from across the room. 

I have three little boys. Yes I’ve mentioned that before. Have I also mentioned that I’m a dreamer, a rabid imaginer? And I can’t even do it anymore without seeing her or at least a brilliant outline of her.

I’ve already monogrammed her name on an Easter basket liner. In Ethiopia, her name means “she emanates light” or “she shines.” We painted her room a silvery grey and made her a nice closet with room for many clothes with flowers on them. 

A minute ago I filled out a few things with an agency, and at the top of the page it said, “Congratulations! You have just completed the first step of your adoption journey.” I cried. It’s not like taking a positive pregnancy test. It’s an entirely different and wonderfully scary way to sign up for a miracle. 

If I thought that having babies to come out of my body would outdo this, or even compare, I wouldn’t do it. All I know is that when I think of her, she’s already glowing – making me warm on the inside like I’m the chosen one, like one  successfully grafted in.

amberhaines
About me

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34 Comments

deb
Reply May 28, 2009

I keep deleting the words, I guess a hug would be more fitting.

Megan @ Hold it UP to the Light
Reply May 28, 2009

I feel like I! just got a positive pregnancy test!!!! Praying you through this, girl!!!! I am so excited to be along for the ride!

Miss ya! Love ya! Prayin' for ya!

m

Megan @ Hold it UP to the Light’s last blog post..In case you're looking for us....

Robin
Reply May 28, 2009

You are going to adopt? Congratulations! I also have 3 boys. I really wanted to adopt a little girl about 3 years ago, but my hubby just couldn't go there with me. God has other plans for us. I look forward to following your journey.

Robin’s last blog post..Galloping Grace

melissa
Reply May 28, 2009

i must have missed the adoption news. congratulations! how thrilling!

melissa’s last blog post..The tour de lamp

We are THAT family
Reply May 28, 2009

Congratulations! That is wonderful! My twin sister and her family are traveling in July to pick up their 2 year old daughter from an orphanage in Ethiopia!

We are THAT family’s last blog post..Today, I Want to Talk about My Pantry

patty
Reply May 28, 2009

oh amber! how wonderful! congratulations!
i don't know how long this first part of the journey is... but i hope it passes quickly and you are holding her in your arms soon!
i was the exhausted mother of 2 boys when i found out i was pregnant with the third... it was only after her birth that we found out she was a girl. one of the sweetest things my husband has ever said was, "she makes our family whole." even when we didn't know we weren't. you'll forget the feeling of fatigue, but never that of a child's love. (((H)))

patty’s last blog post..Love Thursday

Lora Lynn
Reply May 28, 2009

You. are. getting. your. girl. When do we get to sit down and cry together over this? I am so weepy happy for you right now. This is so good. Best news all day.

On another note, can I just tell you: you are the fourth blogger I've run across this week who is/has adopted a girl from Ethiopia. Wondering what I'm supposed to hear in all this...

Lora Lynn’s last blog post..How To Put A Baby In A Sling

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting
Reply May 28, 2009

I could think of another couple more worthy to adopt than you two. I'm so wonderfully excited beyond words for you two. Much love to you both. I miss you!!

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting’s last blog post..Summer Family Fun

Shannon
Reply May 28, 2009

So exciting! (And so, so, so happy to see you back here.)

Shannon’s last blog post..

nic
Reply May 28, 2009

Oh goodness, I can't wait to meet her. I can't wait to see you with a daughter, see Seth with a daughter, and see those sweet, goofy boys with a sister. Praying prayers as big as God for you Haines!

nic’s last blog post..Getting Things Running Again

jolyn
Reply May 28, 2009

So, so wonderful. So much love to share. Congratulations on your journey; may it be filled with blessings and joy.

jolyn’s last blog post..Punky Knobster

owlhaven
Reply May 29, 2009

Congrats!!!!!!!!!

Mary, mom to many, including 4 beautiful Ethiopian daughters

owlhaven’s last blog post..Four days

Amber
Reply May 29, 2009

Oh. Y'all, I just checked back in on this, and I am so encouraged. Really. Really. Please do continue to pray because I'm a little confused about everything we're supposed to do. I'm sure everybody feels this way.

And WOW, I'm emotional.

Forgive my absence, also. I'm trying to raise these kids and clean my new old house and have friends and neighbors. I find that it takes a lot of time, and when I do have the time, I have to rest. It's become a little more plain and simple lately. My internet time has been limited, and it has felt good.

Pearce
Reply May 29, 2009

I'm so happy for you! The boys will be such awesome big brothers to their baby sister. Good luck and God bless!

Sarah
Reply May 29, 2009

I love it! I can't wait to buy her lots of flowerdy clothes :)

Sarah’s last blog post..Note to Self Part Deux

BlueCastle
Reply May 29, 2009

How beautiful! I'm so excited for you and your family. What a lovely picture of what God has done for us - grafted us into The Vine.

I'm glad you're writing more. And even though you may not have as much time as you'd like to blog, it's still like a little gift each time I come and read a new post of yours.

BlueCastle’s last blog post..DropCloth Curtains

sweethomealagirl
Reply May 29, 2009

Oh, how wonderful! I'll be praying for you on this new journey!

sweethomealagirl’s last blog post..Sadness

Ann Voskamp @ Holy Experience
Reply May 30, 2009

You and Seth... God just keeps blessing you, blessing you.

His hand is upon you... pure and undefiled grace.

Ann Voskamp @ Holy Experience’s last blog post..Weekend Wanderings: The Food Edition

Rachel
Reply May 30, 2009

I can't wait to see her! Congratulations!

Rachel’s last blog post..Ketchup. It's the new applesauce...

emily
Reply May 31, 2009

Here's to cleaning your house, being a neighbor, blowing kisses across the room and a baby girl far away but near in heart. Congratulations on your miracle-to-be.

emily’s last blog post..the summer

Aunt Pam
Reply June 1, 2009

I can't wait to add her to my list that I love and brag about!! You know I brag and show pics, and call all of them my kiddies!!!
Love you all!!

Emily M
Reply June 1, 2009

This post was one of several nudges that finally convinced me to broach the subject of adoption with my husband. We have two children and recently found out that we won't be able to give birth to more, but I have been having dreams (the asleep kind) about bringing a little one--not from my body but very much our own--into our family. After reading your post and a few other things that simply cannot be coincidences, those dreams moved into my waking mind with such force that I knew I had to say something.

He was much more open to the idea than I anticipated, and now I'm Google-ing adoption laws and agencies and attorneys. Just thought you might like to know how your post has already touched a few lives, and might touch another little life in the near future.

Katie
Reply June 1, 2009

Wow. Your expanding family will certainly be in my prayers as you move forward through this journey.
God has big plans for your family, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future."

Katie’s last blog post..Sofa Department Runway Show

Minnesotamom
Reply June 1, 2009

Congratulations! I know the process may be long, but it will be worth the wait. Can't wait to hear more...

Minnesotamom’s last blog post..Even though we can’t be outside 7 mos. of the year…

mandy eoff
Reply June 2, 2009

chills as i read this..and smiles! how exciting!!!

mandy eoff’s last blog post..Elijah's Birth-day...

brooke
Reply June 2, 2009

...she's gonna love her room! she's gonna love her mama more.
(and she's gonna love her auntB too)

Shannan
Reply June 2, 2009

As the mom of two precious kids who came to us via adoption, it thrills me to hear of someone else embarking on the journey! So excited for you.

Shannan’s last blog post..Rainy Monday

brittney
Reply June 3, 2009

Oh, wow. How incredible! And exciting! And all those other emotions you're feeling all at once! My husband and I have talked about adopting (in the faraway future) so it will be absolutely encouraging to follow your family's new journey.

brittney’s last blog post..Support Relay for Life!

rachel-asouthernfairytale
Reply June 4, 2009

You are sucha blessing.
there are sooo many words, and none of them are adequate enough to express my joy for y'all and the way that y'all are changing someone's life.
BLESS and Love.

hamster
Reply June 6, 2009

good stuff, mrs. haines.

we're trying to adopt, since our stork got shot down. this weekend is our adoption agency's big weekend conference. it's all good and happy and scary and what-the-fuck. i kept thinking last night, sitting there with all these other people whose storks are dead, too, that parenthood seems so much easier when you can just have your own kids and move forward. and then i started thinking that the rewards are great when the waiting and working are intense. and then i felt very anointed by God, even though this past year has felt like purgatory in advance, that we could possibly become entrusted with that much good and happy and scary and what-the-fuck.

maybe when we finally get to arkansas again (not this week with the brocks, sadly), we can chat up all this stuff. congrats, friend.

hamster’s last blog post..YEAH, I DON'T REALLY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE SERIES

Adventures In Babywearing
Reply June 7, 2009

I can't believe I missed this post! I hope I can come visit you when she is in your arms.

Steph

Songbirdtiff
Reply September 7, 2009

I had no idea you were adopting until I read today's post then decided to poke through your archives. I'm so excited for you.

My hubby and I are adopting a sibling group through the foster care system here in Arkansas. We have been in this process for three years. Three long, painful, stressful years. Just last week we were declared as an "open adoptive home". We are ready to find our children.

When you said you felt like you had a positive pregnancy test, I can TOTALLY relate. I also want to share, not because I think it will happen to you but to identify the closeness of adoption, when our first adoption fell through the week we were supposed to take custody because DHS lost our paperwork, I felt I had a miscarriage. My arms KNEW there was supposed to be a little one there, but she was gone. Gone to another home, another family. Gone. There is something special about adoption, just like that specialness you feel with your children. It's a closeness that cannot be explained, only felt.

I know that what happened happened for a purpose. She wasn't meant to be ours, and there are children out there who are. It's a blessing! God bless your family!

~love
Reply October 6, 2009

when i commented on your most recent post, i noticed the tag "adoption" to the right. we are on our journey to our children in africa right now, too. in fact, we just met our son...and are still praying for God to reveal our other child. blessings on your journey.

steadymom
Reply February 1, 2010

Commenting on a REALLY old post by the looks of things, but just wanted to say congratulations on your adoption in process.

As the mama of one biological and two adopted little people, adoption has blessed and challenged the heart of this little family of ours. In a good way.

Jamie

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