the girl and the Genius
My firstborn, with a shoulder sunburn and radiating roses on his face, is not well acquainted with pain, so his big cousin coaches him with his thoughts.
Sophia is nine. She has known multiple hospital beds, scary chest sounds, needles and nurses, so she says, “Isaac, when you hurt, all you have to do is think of your mother’s smile. When I’m with my daddy and I hurt, I think of my mother’s smile. When I’m at my mom’s, I think of my dad’s smile. It works.”
Then she flits off like a dove.
I watch her all weekend, her unaffected art, the lack of desire for new clothes or a hair-brushing, the freckled beauty of a long, lanky child, and I turn my head more than once for what of her is lost in me. I behold her joy.
Most people carry their souls in a deep pocket at the pit of their stomachs, but Sophia lets hers slip out to her fingertips. Hers rides on easy lips and feathers out from her shoulders to fan air at the disappointed. It is innocence and how it shirks this world, how pain is transformed to beauty.
Maybe it’s the knowledge that her straight body will shortly turn to curve and that her imagination won’t so easily delve to the floor in character play that makes me awe at her on the cusp. Sophia’s arms reach at first guess, and she offers an honest smile to the sun. She sits with paper and draws, snuggled generously with my boys.
We say goodbye to the family, and as our hearts try to pull their hooks out, I look for Sophia and want to tell her how God is a genius in her. I want to hold her face and memorize it. I want to take pictures of her feet on tiptoes and of her hair in knots, how her face is already aiming sharp for envy, and there I find her at the door to the back-porch with her hands full.
She says, “Look! A bird!” And there she cups its heart-throbbing body until it calms in the bed of her hands.
My mouth wants to say “healer,” but instead I laugh deep from the pit of my stomach until it peels through my mouth, and my back, and my hands. Like children, we arch over and study the bird, reviving and forgetting ourselves in such a sacred moment.
- July 6, 2009
- 24 Comments
- 0
- humility
Jo@Mylestones
July 6, 2009Are you getting tired of me saying "wow" every time I comment? You have captured the childlike so beautifully here. Can I sit next to you in heaven?
Jo@Mylestones’s last blog post..And a Parade To Boot!
Amber
July 6, 2009Ha, Joanne! I hope so.
Sarah Markley
July 6, 2009beautiful. absolutely.
Sarah Markley’s last blog post..Explosions of Grace
brittney
July 6, 2009Am I allowed to second a comment? If I am, I second Jo@Mylestones.
brittney’s last blog post..Would You do this?
Sugar Jones
July 6, 2009Sophia sounds like the sweetest of all angels. How fortunate your family is to have her in your life.
Sugar Jones’s last blog post..Jones Family Camping Trip: Part 1
Cindy
July 6, 2009Oh she's beautiful and amazing and spiritual, I can see her through your post.
Amy
July 6, 2009What a beautiful post
Amy’s last blog post..Non-novel First Reaction
Debra
July 6, 2009Amber -
"We say goodbye to the family, and as our hearts try to pull their hooks out, "
Lines like that are why you're my favorite.
To read.
And re-read.
And read again.
Debra’s last blog post..Ellie + Stella
deb
July 6, 2009what to say eludes me
Amber
July 6, 2009Sugar, Cindy, Debra and Amy, you guys should see Seth's family. They really are inspiring.
Deb, I love it when you leave comments even when your comments don't say anything. Thank you.
Ann Kroeker
July 6, 2009You take us there, standing next to you, watching, noting each freckle. The power of a poet's eye.
Ann Kroeker’s last blog post..Make-Do Mondays: Watch Band Clasp
Kelly @ Wisdom Begun
July 6, 2009This is an absolutely beautiful post. Can I be you when I grow up?
Seriously, though. Absolutely beautiful.
Kelly @ Wisdom Begun’s last blog post..Five Ways to Help Out a Young Mother
dina
July 6, 2009My son is a kid with medical challenges - lots of them. He's had surgeries, been to the ER in the middle of many a dark night, had shots, IV's, tests, scopes, probes, and travelled halfway across the world - as well as halfway across the country - to be treated by doctors who are the best at what they do.
Know what's the most remarkable about this kid? His utter - unshakable - trust that God is HERE. That God holds him when it hurts (and it hurts a lot). That without God - it would be impossible to bear.
There are days when I think my heart will literally break into a million pieces over the things this 12-year-old has had to endure. But then he'll come to me with a smile and say something hilarious and joy will radiate from every pore on his ever loving face.
What a blessing!
Sounds like my boy and your Sophia will be good pals in eternity!
dina’s last blog post..My Husband, The Genius
Amber
July 6, 2009I hope so, Dina.
BlueCastle
July 6, 2009Aw, this was beautiful. Like a glass of ice water on a sweltering day. It felt so good to read your words.
BlueCastle’s last blog post..Under Construction
patty
July 6, 2009i third jo's comment. (looks like you'll have a whole section in heaven sitting with you! :)
what a beautiful child.. thanks for sharing her.
patty’s last blog post..love one another
brooke
July 6, 2009oh my throat is welled up! it's like i know this little girl. somehow i feel like that was us 20 yrs ago. running on rocks and never feeling the pain. where did that little girl go inside me? amber this post is beyond brilliant. i LOVE seeing her face, and hearing your interpretation, which is always uniquely perfect. thank you.
Kelly
July 7, 2009"Most people carry their souls in a deep pocket at the pit of their stomachs, but Sophia lets hers slip out to her fingertips. Hers rides on easy lips and feathers out from her shoulders to fan air at the disappointed. It is innocence and how it shirks this world, how pain is transformed to beauty. "
What an incredible description... I want to meet her; I want to *be* her. Thanks for sharing her...
Kelly’s last blog post..Imagine
Holley
July 7, 2009Beautiful Amber, I think of the color of your name--all golden and deep, catching the sun and holding it for a moment. You do this for us with your words...inviting us into another world not like this one...a world where He lives and we breathe again.
Thank you.
Holley’s last blog post..All that glitters...
Sophia
July 10, 2009What a beautiful description of a graceful, gorgeous girl.
Sophia’s last blog post..The Wishing Tree
NTE
July 10, 2009She sounds amazing, and you've captured her spirit so clearly. Thank you for sharing.
NTE’s last blog post.."That's the way to catch a beau..."
Mae
July 22, 2009I do love my godchild Sophia... and you for writing this. It amazes me how you can articulate the way I feel in a way I can not:)
Victoria
November 6, 2009Stunning and painfully real all at once. Gorgeous.
Jana
February 7, 2010I cried. Violently sharp images. Like I was watching her myself. Lovely! You are very much missed.