more on having an affair

Israel, me, and you – No rules can save a whore. There is no safe place for the dirty and depraved. Not arms, no vision, no after-school program, no church, NOTHING but surrender, the covering by gruesome blood, the realized Love of the very God of the Universe. He comes into us. He is seed there, seal, helper, light of the world, and we, we were sluts. The gospel, it is harsh, and it is unfathomably sensual, and it makes so little sense, especially when we realize our low – His High.

And the low is where we scrounge. It’s where we shatter the glass bottle of our very best and pour it out like glad perfume. The feet of Jesus are that beautiful. Lay your body down there. Pour out, there, all the goods you have. Because you are the lowly, his beloved already in the door of His bedchamber.

This is the only way to keep from having an affair, to keep from constant idol worship.


UPDATE – a poem was removed here for publication.

About me


When We All Speak a Foreign Language
January 20, 2017
What do you taste?
November 08, 2016
If Love is the Only Goal
January 04, 2016
Learning to Bend: A Wild in the Hollow Guest Post from Diana Trautwein
September 14, 2015
Celebrating Wild in the Hollow
August 04, 2015
The Myrrh Bearer, the Message Bearer, and Me
July 25, 2015
Women Set Apart
February 23, 2015
The Barbarian’s Heart
February 11, 2015
Let Every Heart Prepare Him Room
November 26, 2014


Cassandra Frear
Reply August 25, 2009

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9 NASB

Reply August 25, 2009

I clicked over from my reader having no idea what I would say as a comment. Still don't. This was just so moving and powerful and masterfully written.

Reply August 25, 2009

Beautifully written

Reply August 25, 2009

You had sent me that poem; the context is more gripping than I knew. I told P this morning that setting rules is no way to prevent an affair - whether I've slept with another who is not my husband or whether I've merely longed for one who is not mine. The only way to stay my heart is to fill it up with Him, take in all of His love I can, hope He'll pour it out of me when I don't have it in me to love enough.

It would be easier if I had a story like yours, an obvious affair, a deliberate act of rebellion, a choice for death over life. It all happens for me in the heart-soil, in the attitudes and desire that I close off to God. I look good, but I know that I am so easily addicted to things that are not Him, that I am prone to put Him off, to shy away from my life if I can't handle it on my own. I seek to be filled in a million different ways.

I am not more or less than you, this I know. We are the same. "The ground is level at the foot of the Cross," someone said to me once.

You are very brave, and very beautiful. I am so glad for His grace over you, over us both, and so blessed to "know" you in the small ways that I do. When I see His goodness to you, I know it more fully for myself. I am overwhelmed at His love.

Thank you for your transparency.

We are THAT family
Reply August 25, 2009

Again, you touch the very depths of those who need this.

Although I haven't placed my feet in the rut of the road you've walked down, I know the pain of your husband's heart. And my hubby, though not a physical betrayal, knows the deep sorrow of yours. We also both know the joy of redemption, forgiveness, second chances and freedom from sin.

Keep telling the story, sweet Amber. That is where the healing is.

Reply August 25, 2009

Love you, lady. And your beautiful poetry.

Reply August 25, 2009

I once had my feet washed by a co-worker. It was incredibly humbling. The story of Hosea and Gomer makes me weep for God's consistent, seeking-after love, His forgiveness and mercy. Your poem today brought tears as well, remembering how low I am.

Sarah Markley
Reply August 25, 2009

Hosea's wife. This is music, Amber.

I'm so her. You know those horrible church get-to-know-you question, "Which Bible Character do you most identify with?".

People look at me oddly because I say Hosea's wife or the woman caught in adultery. I feel so chosen now.

Thank you for this, Amber.

Reply August 25, 2009

Wow...this just hits me in the gut. The poem is me, my husband. I am sitting at work sobbing.

Kelly @ Love Well
Reply August 25, 2009


My heart is pounding right now, Amber. That's what resonance does. My entire soul is a quiver.

This exquisitely captures the after-effects of an affair, of our sin, of our true self exposed. It's breath-taking. And so is God's grace.

Reply August 25, 2009

Oh, girlfriend. God gave you words. He gave you words to spill. I am so glad some of them spill onto me.

Jane Anne
Reply August 25, 2009

Like someone else that commented before me- I am not sure what to comment, except to say that your words are beautiful and powerful. Thank you for being open, honest, and committed to growth. Thank your husband, too- for encouraging you to share and for loving your heart.

Sara Sophia
Reply August 30, 2009

This story is your willingness to take out your heart-pieces, to line them all up on the table--saying, "This one doesn't quite fit, and this one is a has the corner broken off....but, put together they are the God-Picture"

Our lives have so many fragments, some hidden, some exposed to shiver in the cold light of the world.
I can't wait to meet you face to face and tell you that my spirit longs to wrap a blanket around yours.
There is no stone to cast amongst those who love.
There is no one who is better...worse.
We are all forgiven.

Thank you for using your God lessons to teach, enlighten, and glorify your Heavenly Father.
I see His heart so clearly in yours.

Reply August 20, 2011

You minister to my soul. You minister to the brokenness of my soul. You minister to the hope of my soul. You minister to the deepest parts of my soul that I don't recognize until I read something that provokes it. You and your husband minister to my soul. I have never been more grateful for two strangers who share their lives with an audience of strangers. Thank you. Thank you for sharing God's grace in your life. Your words are a blessing.


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