NightLight Guide: the Calm and the Storm
Somehow I just now read this amazing NightLight submission from Caroline Collie. Check her out. I think I love her!
NightLight posts every Friday with encouragement for and questions from younger women. No matter your age, you are older and wiser than some, and you’ve been equipped to share through your story. Please read the guidelines and consider submitting questions or posts of encouragement or advice to firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Calm and The Storm
I think it was a Sunday. Missionary sounds glamorous doesn’t it? Missionary in Scotland… even more so?
Three years in the UK and cultures finally collided. The decision to circumcise our son meant it had to happen on our kitchen table. A very skilled surgeon. Two-month-old-eyes that never looked so painfully blue. Standard procedure. Some nursing, a nap.
He is the one in a thousand who bleed. And bleed. Two red-soaked diapers and a frenzied drive to the hospital. We stared at the ceiling. A blur of text messages, prayers, emotions. I watched sharp needles struggle to find veins in tiny hands, tiny feet. He had never looked so pale, fragile and helpless. Please Lord… pleasepleaseplease. He’s only met one of his grandparents.
In the bathroom I practiced the count-to-five moment I learned from an episode of Lost. Stared in the mirror. Fought tears. Expected my heart to leap from my chest. How will I tell my Mom?
Then somewhere, from far corners of my mind, there was a remembrance of a promise. Words from last week’s sermon. Something about green pastures. Still waters.
You are with me.
Still freaking out, but somehow, peace. I tell the truth – in that moment, somehow, there was peace. I found myself in peace.
Would you like to kiss your baby goodbye?
What idiot asks that? Under a general anesthetic, tiny veins were being cauterized while we cried, trusted, prayed. Finally, some nursing, a nap. Sleep.
Joy comes in the morning. Our baby boy was bright-eyed, bushy-tailed. Exuberance personified. Exhaustion and Joy had never swum the rivers of my heart so fully and so closely. I would give thanks from then on for every day we share. God met me in that hour, though I can’t explain it. I can only testify with rejoicing that when all seemed lost, Peace found me.
When crisis finds you, where do you find yourself?