Let’s Talk About Sex – Those First Preconceptions
Before I get started, please know that we have all the time in the world. We can take this conversation slowly. Also, don’t forget to consider joining this conversation with !deaCamp in Las Vegas!
Now here’s my post:
Let’s start at the beginning, with original ideas about sex, and consider what foundational notions we received or interpreted that may have influenced us and the way we think about sex today.
Like for example, there’s me and that one time
I walked in on my parents after my 8th birthday party. I was camping out in the back yard with all my friends. My BFF, Jenell, came really late and gave me the most awesome hypercolor Ocean Pacific t-shirt that ever existed, so I ran in to show my parents, and there they were, making my eyeballs want to fall right out of their sockets.
I went back out the tent, got in my sleeping bag, and pretended to sleep for the rest of the night. I honestly thought I would die, and I thought my parents might die, too. I wasn’t sure. After we dropped all my friends off at their homes, Mama gave me “the talk.” She drove and asked me questions, asked if I had questions. I reminded her that one time in front of her friends I asked her what Horny was (kids at school were singing 2LiveCrew), and she popped my back-side because it had startled her so much. She said she was sorry and finally explained.
She told me that SEX is not wrong when you’re married. I heard the words, but it was still an undiscussed topic. It still made her flinch. It was one talk, but then the playground and television took on the topic in an ongoing conversation.
I learned more on the playground in a week than I did from trustworthy resources in years. Mama had bought me a book that I read from cover to cover within minutes of its being shoved in the mailbox, and that just gave me graphs on what exactly would happen to my body once a month.
And Madonna? It wasn’t a secret with her, and I desperately wanted a pair of lace gloves and a Marilyn Monroe beauty mark. I desperately wanted to look like the older girls at church, with the big bangs and boobs, the ones that the Fine guys liked to hang on.
It became clearer to me than anything I’d ever understood: Sex equals power. Attention. Gain. Sex is the currency of the world, and with it, I can manipulate a room and quit possibly become famous.
Then puberty, and my boobs didn’t really grow, and I found that my hips were much wider than I wanted. Suddenly, my validation was being threatened by my own non-Barbie body-type.
The very idea of sex equaling oneness and unity in marriage was completely overshadowed by my fear of not being sexy enough, because without sexy, how could you like me, much less love me?
These roots grow deep, and weeds from those thoughts pop up all the time. I am in the constant process of handing my past conceptions over to God as I realize them, seeking restoration and redemption. In regard to sex (and also in regard to Christ’s relationship with the church), I am in the slow process of learning unity and intimacy.
If we haven’t already received one, we need to pursue a new beginning.
Have you gone back and offered up the preconceptions on which you’ve based your definitions of sex? If you have, how did you do it and what came of that surrender?