on a blue day

After church I wait in the van, watch in envy as mother and daughter walk out, slowly, same stride, arms tied close, heads together – as in intimate conversation. And when they get close enough, I can see still mouths, a shared knowing, eyes ahead – as intimate and quiet as prayer.

It’s been winter. The world is blue. Ice is breaking off and the throat of the ground gulps the rivers of deep snow melting. The wet concrete reflects more sky. We’re many who wake today, come up out of something.

Seth stays with the boys at naptime, and I drive in the squinty blue, smile so big my face hurts. I turn it up so loud my ears hurt.

Though winter may lash at us again, Resurrection comes. I hear it everywhere, the whole earth groan.

Why can’t we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love
‘Cause love’s such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night

About me


the winter feeling
January 12, 2012
the “let down” and other painful goods: A Haines Home Companion
September 02, 2011


Reply February 17, 2011

I love it when worship happens and Queen and Bowie help lead. If you're listening, God speaks, so say the trees, the muddy ground, and all the birds that suddenly appear shouting.

I wonder if this idea makes you uncomfortable. Have you ever read Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art?

Reply February 17, 2011

Not uncomfortable. This is me.

Reply February 17, 2011

I am so glad you put DAVID BOWIE and QUEEN on here. Some of my most intimate conversation with God has come from secular music...sometimes it's more honest. I think Christians sometimes forget what a state we're in...on purpose. We are all big fat messes.

Reply February 17, 2011

the blue is conquered. this is what matters.

Amy Mitchell
Reply February 17, 2011

Wow, I am so glad I'm not the only one.

Reply February 17, 2011

Ah, but there is good Christian music out there, and artists who share their messes - you just won't find them on the feel-good radio stations. But I agree Amber, if you're looking, you can find it anywhere.

    Reply February 17, 2011

    You're right, too, Janna.

    I need an update on good Christian music, by the way, and you're just the girl.

    I've got my Mumford and Sons and Civil Wars, but oh wait, I'm not sure that qualifies either.

    Hmmmm. Somebody educate me!

Reply February 18, 2011

Finding Christ in the unexpected is the best! As far as music, you are speaking my language. I worked at a Christian bookstore for 7+ years and am extremely picky about Christian music- the insider's glimpse made me a bit cynical. I find more in nonChristian music that draws me to God than a lot of the Christian stuff that's out there. I wholheartedly approve of your excellent taste in Mumford and Sons and the Civil Wars:) But if you're looking for good Christian music, then might I point you in the direction of Audrey Assad and Brooke Fraser? There's more of course but they have held my attention this past year. Well, Brooke for longer but her last CD came out several months ago so she's back in my ears again.

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