Listen and Find
My baby will only be my baby for 21 more weeks, so as mothers do, I woke again in a panic. Twice since Ian’s birth, I lost two hard drives and thought myself with only a few facebook photos to remind me of his precious baby faces. I had never even printed my labor pictures or the ones from his first months of living. Along with that, I had never filled out much in his baby book, which hits me hard because I should already be writing for this little one in my tummy.
I tore out of bed with a mission to print every photo I could find on my computer and any I could find floating out there in the webbernets. After homeschooling and then ferociously cleaning out an entire chest of drawers and going through many tall stacks of papers (I do get distracted), I completely ignored social media all together, and I looked back through the last three years. I realized that Picassa kept every single photo in original sizes I had ever put on my first blog.
It was the happiest time. The boys piled around me, and we laughed hard at how many many pics I have of Jude making a mess on his face, all the ones of Ike building something,and all Ian’s motor phases, his charm developing by the day. They have grown so much.
Yadda Yadda! That’s what kids do, right? Yes, but these are my kids, becoming their own little men before my eyes, and sometimes I don’t even see it because I get so busy. I can look back, too, and give myself some credit. Three in three years isn’t easy, but we’ve had the best time, and they’ve had the very best Daddy. We’ve loved each other much.
Stepping into Lent and a bit back from social media has helped me reconnect and realign to True Center, and it’s helped me again learn to listen to the voice of whispering God, the sweet midday thoughts toward Seth, the tugs at my arm, the real questions boys ask that need answers. Life can feel like labor, but all I have to work with is just this one minute, just this one contraction.
I’ve also learned to listen a bit to this crazy pregnant body. Last night I devoured a can of sardines and nearly an entire sleeve of saltines. I dipped them in mustard mixed with hot sauce. It was so good y’all.
All of this, all of it is good.