A Haines Home Companion: Looking Round, Feeling Light
It’s 5:15, the time of evening that most mommies start staring at the clock to will its hands into faster motion – the time of day, today, that I’ve chosen to sit in my bed with my computer and a jar of pickles.
The 22 week mark has hit, and I’m being about as cliche as I can possibly be. Could I dip these pickles in icecream? Why yes I sure could.
Spring and second trimester seem slathered with goofy juice. For example, I forgot to add the chicken in our chicken pot pie the other night. It must be the happy vitamin D beaming through. And the forsythia. Their yellow flowering twigs shoot up at the edges of driveways, accenting rusty yard cars and frou-frou gated communities alike. Everything seems to lighten up.
I wake in the night, thankful, and put my hands on Seth’s arm. Smile in the dark. He doesn’t even know. Then we wake in the morning, and I snarl at him for drinking coffee, though he sees the grin in my eyes.
The parts of life that can’t be written are hard, but we are still light.
This Lenton Season has been the toughest and therefore the best, a time for bests. Keeping my computer off for some of it has made me different, helped me pray for different things and see home in a new way. My best friend saw poverty in the eyes of a child in Guatemala. It has made me fall in love with her all over again, and with God, too – though pain be rammed through the center of it.
My girlfriends in our “home group” and in my accountability mornings, they bring gladness to me, beautiful feet, have the good news wrapped even in sorrows. I have brothers, too, that are backbone. The Sunday-school teachers for my boys send me off with my mouth full of gratitude.
I have one here that is GF/CF. No gluten. No dairy. I’m a southern woman cooking like I live in a foreign desert land. The sand is rice. Everything crumbles, smells funny. I angle every meal for one child, and he thinks it’s the worst. It’s a stage of battling the nothing-rights. Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.
Some trials can’t be written until they’re over. But gratitude can be.
I love labeled jars filled with white flours that I don’t know how to use.
I love the rare girlfriends that don’t know your space issues and lie in your lap so you can play with their hair, just when you think you might die of missing your little sister.
I love the gentle baby tap dancing inside. When we didn’t get to move when expected and when I’m huffing down the seconds until I get a washer and dryer, those taps unzoom my perspective, make me see the world wider.
When I go to the beach in a few months, in my large body, my eyes might zoom in at my thighs, but I can choose, too, to look out long into the round horizon,
as if forever were right now.
- April 8, 2011
- 27 Comments
- 0
- family and food, Friends
kendal
April 8, 2011i just love. your cute belly. your girlfriends. your longing for sister. touching seth's arm in the night. i just love.
Amber
April 10, 2011Thank you, always, Kendal.
We are THAT family
April 8, 2011I love you. (your new blog, too). And your words. Saying sweet prayers for you, sister
Amber
April 10, 2011I love you back, Kristen. Your prayers are powerful, Woman of God.
Erika
April 8, 2011Uh-oh. Your cute belly makes me want to be pregnant. Only problem is that The Husband had this little operation that starts with a "vas" and ends with an "ectomy". Oh the drastic things we've done out of the dire of our circumstances - 3 boys in 3 years starting at the age of 20 and with a husband who travelled all the time taboo t.
Yep, we recently had to grieve over the vasectomy choice that we would now change . . . And wonder if there is another plan for us holding more babies . . .
You're adorable. I am SO happy for you.
Xx,
EriKa
Amber
April 10, 2011Erika,
I know so many who have this same story. God brings children to us in amazing ways. I really believe that.
When I told my daddy I was having my 4th boy. He laughed and then he teared up, and as if to prophesy, he said, "You'll have so many granddaughters and grandsons."
Thank you for being excited with me.
Prudence
April 8, 2011You love beautiful.
Amber
April 10, 2011Thank you. That's a really cool thing you just said.
suzannah {so much shouting, so much laughter}
April 8, 2011everything about this is lovely and true. there is something about lent that puts things in perspective, isn't there?
Amber
April 10, 2011Yes. You're so right. Last year, Lent got easier and easier, and for both me and Seth, this year it has only gotten harder.
Hard is good when you look through the right lens.
laura@life overseas
April 9, 2011love the new site! love the look, and love reading your words here. and LOVE seeing those cute pictures of you looking precious with that baby-growing.
love the reminder to be grateful,
anyway.
Amber
April 10, 2011Thank you, Laura. I hope Thailand is being good to you.
emily freeman
April 9, 2011This might be my favorite post you've ever written. But of course, I always think that.
Amber
April 10, 2011You never say anything that doesn't make me smile. Thank you, friend.
Southern Gal
April 9, 2011You have the cutest baby belly! Love your words here.
Betty Beguiles
April 9, 2011Oh my gosh! How cute are you? And also, I love this post! You have such a way with words. :)
Caroline
April 9, 2011This post is gorgeous.
I love this: "I wake in the night, thankful, and put my hands on Seth’s arm. Smile in the dark. He doesn’t even know." I do that to my husband all the time.
And I love this: "I love the gentle baby tap dancing inside. When we didn’t get to move when expected and when I’m huffing down the seconds until I get a washer and dryer, those taps unzoom my perspective, make me see the world wider." I so get that. And I'm so thankful for it, too.
Thank you for sharing.
Flower Patch Farmgirl
April 9, 2011That space issue thing! Oh, I relate. And it is always fun when someone comes along, unaware. I get to try out a foreign feeling then, and be a bit of a different version of myself. This is beautiful, all of it.
LLH Designs
April 10, 2011I hopped over at Emily's recommendation and am so glad I did! I love the way you're choosing to see and choosing to give thanks. I laughed at your "space issues" and your not knowing how to use GF flour. Right there with you on both! God is good.
Blessings to you and a very happy Lord's Day!
Linsey
Kelly @ Wisdom Begun
April 10, 2011I. love. your. words. Truly, you are so precious, and look pretty darned cute as a pregnant lady! (I'm only a teensy bit jealous. I blow up like a whale when pregnant.)
Scooper
April 10, 2011This post made my cry and I don't even know why. It's just beautiful and true and authentic...all things you. I'm glad Emily reminded me to come over. And you are the cutest pregnant mama I've ever seen. Seriously.
Karin @ 6byHisDesign
April 10, 2011"Hard is good when you look through the right lens."
I think I'm in love.
kJ
Karin @ 6byHisDesign
April 10, 2011...with your quote...
;)
Dawn Camp
April 10, 2011Love you, darlin'. And that trip to the beach? I hope it's the one where I'll be. :-)
Jeri T.
April 14, 2011The daily grind. Especially when it involves health and specified diet. Learning about GF here too. You should see our cupboards. You'd love our labeled grains, flours, beans etc. All these "_____-free" things.
It's an adventure. Thank You God you are with us in it all.
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