What’s in Hope

When our church prayed over Titus, I asked that we pray that he’d grow to be a man of hope. And lately, as Seth and I are chiseling our way out of a great deal of exposed jadedness, we ask that you pray for us, for HOPE.

And then, too, Ann writes it: HOPE.

How yesterday was so wrong, my temper lost, nothing in place – but then a friend came to play his music and I heard it – the HOPE of belonging, the church in her low-down beauty.

He sang something like, “There is nothing I can do to get lost.”

click photo to find similar pillows

So I look around at so much seeming lost, yet claimed by God – the time, my boys’ attitudes, friends’ marriages, and I’ve decided that HOPE isn’t HOPE if it is for something already there. Like faith, Hope is for what hasn’t yet been revealed.

Titus’ dark eyes connect, secure. He’s 14 weeks old, rested on me. I enjoy my baby like all the hope in the world wrapped in my lap. The cold is coming, but tonight the sky will be pink. The branches bear the grey, but the stove will warm us. My four boys will turn men through discipline. They will trust us. They will build lives, and things will fall apart. Pain yet Peace, I’m learning – hope in that, too, especially that.

For now, one wipes my kisses off his face, doesn’t need them anymore. But he tells me out of the blue, “Mama, I love you.”

Four times this week out of different mouths, I heard: “I can’t wait to get there. I can’t wait to finally be home.”

There’s always a missing, a longing, in HOPE. I look in this baby’s eyes, gorgeous Titus.

Right here, fresh as can be, I miss him already.

About me


The Nail in the Spindle: a Wild in the Hollow Guest Post by Jenny Marrs
January 06, 2016
All Things New: Hope in the Waiting
February 04, 2015
Living Means Waiting: On a Dress and a Candle
January 19, 2015
When God Inhabits Praise
January 13, 2014
When You Want Your Picket Fence: Kingdom Come
January 23, 2013
Kingdom Come
January 02, 2013
When You’re Low
June 28, 2012
Do we have hope?
April 26, 2012
On Community, Suffering, and Hope
November 15, 2011


Reply November 11, 2011

The "Already-But-Not-Yet"...well said Amber. Loved the story from Ann, thanks for sharing! I will pray for the Haines today, for HOPE...Esperanza!

Reply November 11, 2011

"Seth and I are chiseling our way out of a great deal of exposed jadedness". Friend this I know. Stopping right now to pray.

And this. "Right here, fresh as can be, I miss him already"....

Baby Constance, is crawling on her hands and knees today. The one who I cut my mama teeth on had her first youth lock in and I cried.

Thank you for writing. It brings me hope.

Reply November 11, 2011

I'll be praying for you and your family Amber. I can relate to feeling jaded, and I have to remind myself that it's not with God; it's with the boxes some people have tried to keep Him and me in. And so it takes discernment to know what's a man-made box and what's a love packaging from God to stay wrapped in and to cherish.

Reply November 11, 2011

oh. just oh.

Reply November 11, 2011

Amber, you paint with magnificent honesty. Thank you for your words and for not being afraid to speak of the rot amidst the beauty.

Reply November 12, 2011

"Yet I look around and see so much seems lost, but claimed by God."
You've captured motherhood. Defined hope beautifully and powerfully.
Thank you Amber.
I truly love this post and that sweet picture of Titus.

Carolyn Counterman
Reply November 12, 2011

Amber, you make me wish. You make me wish for good things, Godly things. That is what your words do to me. You and Seth share so much with all of us. My little prayer does not seem like enough of a gift to give back, but it is what I have and it is yours.

Reply November 12, 2011

My heart's cry has been (for oh so long in the depths of teenage darkness) "I want to go home!" aching for that home I have not felt but in glimpses and fragments. Thank you for this. We give up on hope all too easily sometimes. I felt that tug deep in my gut. The longing for home. That is what draws me after Him.

Reply November 13, 2011

'there is nothing I can do to get lost.'

imperfect prose
Reply November 14, 2011

i get this. i really do. and i am praying...

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