Marriage Letters: I Knew You Loved Me When

from weheartit

Dear Seth,

Before we got married, I really don’t remember how I knew you loved me. I’m not sure that I did. I’m not sure we knew what we said when we said “I love you.” I never questioned whether or not you’d care for me. But love? We didn’t understand.

You probably don’t remember this, but in the early days when the bed was new, I knew you loved me when one night my past throbbed hard in my mind. I sobbed in bed with no covers on. You let me cry for a long time, and you weren’t scared. You gave me space. You didn’t have to ask a million questions. Then you came back to bed and just held me. I knew you loved me when you let me work out my own salvation.

Thousands of I Love Yous go by, and we try to make love better and better, but I knew you loved me when you chose me over credit for law school, how smart you are. One day, you weren’t faking it anymore. We didn’t realize how good it would feel to be offered the world. We didn’t realize we’d have to chose again and again. And eventually we learned to choose each other, when other options became available: the money, the status, the screen, the art.

I knew you loved me when the ball of your fist bruised my back as I labored with our firstborn, the fear in your eyes, the pleading, how you chanted, how you knew I could do it when I thought I couldn’t, and then I did.

I knew you loved me at your most hurt, when I had confessed an affair, you asked me to forgive you. There is no better love made on the other side of forgiveness.

We’re both still learning to be faithful. We are still learning how to follow through.

It’s daily. Ongoing. Every night the weight of your hand settles me down and I sleep. You look at your newest baby boy, and you talk the goofy words, and he smiles. I know you love me then. When you don’t lose your temper with them, and I learn from you how to be patient, I know you love me then, too.

I know that marriage is a long evolution, that the more our flaws are revealed, the more the love is known, how my wrinkles deepen and so, too, my habits.

You are proof of so much.
Please do join Seth, Joy, Scott, and me as we hold our marriages up to the light. Call your marriage what it really is. Every Monday we’re writing letters because we believe that when we bless our own marriage, we bless the marriages of others. When you go hard after your marriage, I’m encouraged to go after mine. Thank you for joining us.

Link up below and then send your readers to these links to be encouraged. Also, be SURE to watch Joy and Scott’s video.

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About me


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April 06, 2015
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February 02, 2015
On Healing and Wholeness: a Resolution and a Marriage Letter
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A Fifteen Year Anniversary: a story of my body
November 13, 2014
Marriage Letters: How We Co-labor
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Marriage Letters: Once Upon a Time
February 03, 2014
When I Don’t Feel God
March 11, 2013
Concrete Words: An Abstraction on the Rock
January 28, 2013


Amanda @Wandering
Reply February 27, 2012

This is raw and real and beautiful. It is true - how over time more and more of our flaws surface and gives love a chance to really be put to the test. And what is love if it isn't tested?

Reply February 27, 2012

"we'd have to choose, again and again."
yes, and in the choosing love finds life. richer. sweeter. worth making the same choice over again, i've found.
so appreciate your honesty here--the place from which you share. and thanking God for the healing that He provides. the blessing of each other. how He uses our marriages to reveal Himself over and over again. from those places of confession come a deep and profound revelation of His love for us. i am constantly amazed.

Reply February 27, 2012

i held my breath through most of this post - such power in your words, in your story.
and this:

"I know that marriage is a long evolution, that the more our flaws are revealed, the more the love is known, how my wrinkles deepen and so, too, my habits."

is beautiful because you write beauty, but also as a way to sum up what you're doing with this linky - reminding us all to make a habit of naming marriage to be worth it: the hard forgiveness and the (multiplying!) wrinkles.

Seth (your husband)
Reply February 28, 2012

You recall things that make me happy. It's true; the more our flaws are revealed the better we are together.

You're good.

Kelly McCarty
Reply February 28, 2012

Once again I'm captivated by the truth of your words. Thank you for the raw honesty and beautiful picture of what marriage should look like. It is hard work and a daily choice and through it we catch a glimpse of the love that God has for us! You are wonderful Amber, dear.

Shelly Miller
Reply February 29, 2012

Thank you for revealing the raw and real of your marriage, it fills in the wondering places of "maybe it's just me". And your right, marriage is an evolution and the more we reveal our imperfections, the more beautiful it becomes. You just say it so much better.

Brandee Shafer
Reply March 1, 2012

I read somewhere, not too long ago: we're strongest in the places where we've been broken.

Reply March 2, 2012

Very honest words.. I am very aware of this.. I am a separated parents and it just did work..

Sam Van Eman
Reply March 2, 2012

Seth and Amber,
Sam here from The High Calling. I read Seth's I Do article this morning. It's quite good and I wanted to say thanks for contributing to a beautiful series. Press on in your commitment to each other.

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