The Creed: For the Child

photoLast week I found out that Titus is losing weight again. I didn’t want to say it again. I didn’t want to type it. We have a good too many doctor appointments set up now between Little Rock and Kansas City, going from allergists to GI docs to neurosurgeons to pulmonologists. It’s okay. I know it’s okay. I know the grace for today thing.

I’m as fearless as I’ve ever been. I’ve got black paint beneath my eyes. Brass knuckles, and I’m not retreating. I’m only waiting, on reserve. I’m drinking hot tea instead of liquor. When Seth gets home, we find each other. Kitchen business, dishwasher clank and juice dribbled from counter to sink, and we’re there in the middle in slow motion – boys blurring around, and we’re in the middle. Skin to skin. Even hands touching say Jesus is near. Hands say breathe.

This is so dramatic, but everything is. Do we believe that Jesus lives?

Do we believe that Jesus lives inside?

Do you believe the Spirit of the living God is inside you?

Yesterday I held one of my best friend’s babies. He’s not just any swaddled child. After three amazing girls, this is the boy. The surprise. The Adam. She said, “We have a son. We have a son,” and I held him, like a million promises, and we sisters cried.  Out of her beautiful bouquet, she gave me a rose.

I remember those first few hours after each of our four sons were born, that rush of hormones, oxytocin, my favorite drug, bring them milk, bring me sleep, give me labor rest, make me feel Jesus in my finger tips. It was love making at its finest, clamping down. Touch the skin, the baby as precious a creature as ever hit earth’s air. I’m half drunk in the memory.

I believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen: my sons, our tomorrow, cellular structure, shield of faith, calm that holds, a hope that demons fear.

About me


Reply October 3, 2013

PS: I'm going to try to slip in a series without rules exploring The Nicean Creed. Have you read that thing in a while? Amazing.

Also, just to be specific about Titus: we're in Little Rock today, 3 hours from home, to have his lungs checked out. We think he breathed popcorn into his lungs just to top this whole thing off, but maybe somehow we can blame the weight loss on the popcorn! Anyway, he has to go under today because they need to scope his lungs, so thank you thank you thank you for praying.

    Robin Troxell
    Reply October 3, 2013

    praying praying

    Annie Barnett
    Reply October 3, 2013

    Praying for you guys today, Amber.

    Reply October 3, 2013

    praying now, always...

      Reply October 19, 2013

      Father God, the giver of all things, we love you! Please hold Titus and his family, give them strength. Give the doctors, nurses, labs, any one to give him medical care strength, wisdom, and vision to help him. We know you are with us always, you gave us Jesus to die on a cross for us. Thank you God.

Patricia @ Pollywog Creek
Reply October 3, 2013

You speak to my soul, sister Amber. As I pray for your Titus, I rejoice at your fearlessness, your eye black and brass knuckles, your hot tea and Jesus near. Always near.

And I know the being "half drunk in the memory" of labor and birth and oxytocin. I'm sixty-something. It never goes away - thank you, Lord. It's a gift.

Reply October 3, 2013

Oh Amber...the picture of little Titus with his turkey hat on...beautiful. My heart aches to read that he is once again struggling health wise. Such s precious little are all your boys. Praying for health to be restored to wee Titus, that God's wisdom will be present in the minds of dr's but most of all that He will surround you with His peace and strength. Step out in truth and grace warrior friend...the battle is on and the Lord is by your side. You are loved Amber

Jennifer Lee
Reply October 3, 2013

Good morning, Amber.

The girls and I have been praying all week here for Titus, every morning at the end of the driveway under the last ash tree. We pray for him right there, sun rising behind us, while we wait for bus 49 to reach our country lane.

Yes, I do believe that Jesus lives inside. And I not only believe, but I know and I see Him in you. I stand with you, believing in Light of Light, very God of very God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father.

Addie Zierman
Reply October 3, 2013

Such a hauntingly beautiful creed. You write and live with such strength and beauty, Amber. Thank you. Breathing a prayer now for Titus.

Sarah Markley
Reply October 3, 2013

we love you people. so much. praying.

Reply October 3, 2013

Oh, guys. Praying with you...

Valorie M.
Reply October 3, 2013

Oh my goodness, Miss Amber... Such beauty in your words of pain and joy and hope... So much exactly what this life is like! I'm praying for your little guy and hubby & you, dear heart!

Reply October 3, 2013

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." Praying for you. All will be well.

    Reply October 3, 2013

    This is the verse I always come back to in the dark days, Sara. Thanks for the reminder today.

      Reply October 3, 2013

      Well Sara....and to Seth's response.

      I have been keeping this verse up my sleeve for scared or UNpeaceful nights. Sometimes my boys will only go to sleep after I pray this prayer over them. I pray it over me so much of the time as well. It is my sleep and peace prayer because too often we lack both.

        Reply October 3, 2013

        Y'all. This is the very verse I haven't stopped saying. It actually has a grip on me. It's peace that we already have. It's here. What access do we have in Christ? Whoa. Thank you for these prayers.

          October 3, 2013

          There is only one way I think to bring Christ into flesh into our own, and that is to lean on one another. That is Christ personified. The word made flesh is prayer together. It is not that we were meant to handle more from God, but I think Paul meant we needed to handle it together. Matthew 18:20. You are loved.

Suzie Lind
Reply October 3, 2013

You're writing is like a prayer I'm praying along as I read. Coming in agreement to worship Jesus for being near. He seems to have never left your fingertips so may the grace that causes all that comfort you as you wait.

Betsy Ordemann
Reply October 3, 2013

Dearest Amber & Seth, I' m praying for you to find the right doctors who can find out what's going on with sweet Titus. I pray that God leads you in the right direction. Love, Betsy

Reply October 3, 2013

Always praying for you Amber.

Leslie Lee
Reply October 3, 2013

"This is so dramatic, but everything is." You're definitely not alone in that sentiment, sister. Lifting y'all up this morning.

Reply October 3, 2013

I'm praying for Titus.

Reply October 3, 2013


Ashleigh Baker
Reply October 3, 2013

Love you, Amb. Praying right here, beside you even while I'm far away.

I've re-read the Creed several times recently. It is beautiful and complex. Looking forward to exploring it through your words.

Reply October 3, 2013

Oh Amber, this is decadent writing. Thank you. Wow.

Ashley Larkin
Reply October 3, 2013

Oh, Amber. Praying for you and Seth and your precious Titus. Thank you for showing what it means to be a wounded warrior. Jesus in you is beautiful....I love how you make the unseen seen. Praise him.

the Blah Blah Blahger
Reply October 3, 2013

Dang girl, that gave me crazy chills.

Shelly R
Reply October 3, 2013

This right here is truth! "This is so dramatic, but everything is. Do we believe that Jesus lives?
Do we believe that Jesus lives inside? Do you believe the Spirit of the living God is inside you?" And yes, yes, yes we so believe. So, glad you overcame and wrote these words about Titus. Praying for that little guy and your beautiful heart. And I know he hears us. In our dark days we remember this Evening, morning and at noon I will pray and cry aloud, and He shall hear my voice. Psalm 55:17. And this song by Robbie Seay Band plays on repeat "Raise My Voice" I believe it was written for you and for me and all of who walk the heart road.

Reply October 3, 2013

Tears mixed with believing prayers!

Reply October 3, 2013

Praying. Just praying. Blessings to you today in every place needed.

Raelene Plummer
Reply October 3, 2013

Praying for you and for God's wisdom. He is real right there
With you. Isaiah 41:10. For I hold you by your
right hand--I , The Lord your God. And I say to you,
Don 'to be afraid I am here to help you NLT

Diana Trautwein
Reply October 3, 2013

Ah, friends. Praying for sweet Titus, grateful for the good news on Facebook, hoping this also explains the weight loss, but continuing to pray for answers to the mystery that enshrouds your baby. I look forward to your reflections on that magnificent creed, Amber.

Sarah H
Reply October 3, 2013

I wish we said the creed each Sunday. But I guess I am a little more liturgy-lovey than some of our fellow churchgoers at NHC.

Tanya Marlow
Reply October 3, 2013

No words here, but prayers - and hope that the lost-and-found popcorn is the explanation. MUCH LOVE.

Lori Harris
Reply October 3, 2013

I love you Amber and right this minute- I am asking the Lord to lift up your arms and show Himself to you- in all these circumstances. Thank you for letting us know.

Melinda Viergever Inman
Reply October 3, 2013

Oh, Amber. I had a wee one like this. After many hardships, she's all grown now. She is amazing. What a strong and courageous woman she is! God used her to change me in incredible ways, to make me a better woman myself. It hurts so bad. It breaks us down. It makes Jesus real. Titus is such a precious gift to you, for himself, for his brothers, for you, for Seth, for your faith. Praying for you.

Reply October 3, 2013

"a hope that demons fear." holy cow. stopping to pray for that little guy right now.

suzannah | the smitten word
Reply October 4, 2013

lifting up prayers with you for your sweet boy-babe.

Michaela Evanow
Reply October 6, 2013

Hello Amber,
I'm a newish reader, but have been following your story, your Titus. I know the dips and the bends well, I know the hot tea instead of liquor and the skin to skin with the husband too. Thanks for writing this, for sharing your brokenness with us all. It's important. My daughter Florence deals with some major issues, and we've gone to places we NEVER wanted to go. But by His grace, we are living through them, loving in them. And it's NOT the place we want to be, and I don't understand why we are here, but we are...for right now. We pray death doesn't swallow her whole, but we also rest in the hope of heaven, the hope of healing, the breath of Life. Praying this for you, that no matter what, you sense Him, you see Him in the dark, and you know He is good.
Much love to you and yours.

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Reply April 11, 2014

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