Sue, Esther, and Abigail
I spent a week down in Big Texas, but mostly I was just in my own head. I drove the beautiful way down, stopping in Fort Worth for some time with Nicole, one of my best forever friends, and then I rented a little place to spend some time writing in Austin. There in the backyard was a little shack where an old man lives. It sounds scary but it wasn’t. He looks like Doc on Back to the Future, and he takes care of the chickens and a little garden when he’s not playing guitar, piano, or harmonica. I had such a precious time with him that I can’t even write about it yet. He may have been an angel unawares. Click here for a tiny listen into it.
Then I went to IF:Gathering, and I got to read scripture, some were the words of David, where he’s letting out a moan to God. I read over thousands of women, joining them with a limp. I had just remembered that week very vividly what it’s like to lay in the floor and wait for God, not knowing whether or not He would show. I remembered being found, the breath of life in dry bones. When the music started at IF, I closed my eyes and what used to be a throne room, in my mind’s eye, has now turned into the floor, the first place I met God. It’s not me down here and God way up there sparkling in gold. It’s me down here, and Him down here with me, breathing in. I heard the voices there of little girls in the bodies of women. We asked Him to be with us, and I knew He was.
If you get the chance to listen to the sessions, pleased do. I fell in love with the women of the church there. I fell in love with my own church. I’m ready to see women understand that we have the capacity for God, that we are meant to give voice to His story. We are meant to bear fruit, to be free and not merely delivered. I’m ready to see gladness for those who don’t fit the molds, for us to see that God’s desire for us isn’t merely to have sex with our husbands, birth babies, and clean house (though those things can be so rockin.) I’m ready to see us call each other by our real names and for us to act out of our own belovedness. I desire to see the men in my life know just how very loved they are, too, and I desire for Jesus to be our middle ground. All that churchy language, I say it from the floor. I say it like one who remembers eating acid like candy dancing with little dead bears. I say it like one raised from the dead. I say it like one ready for new vocabulary. For now, I say it with the words I know.
A few days ago, I sipped coffee with a new friend. I’ve known about this amazing local woman, Sue, for years. She’s well-known for leadership and a passion for the Bible. I have long wanted to become her friend, and out of the blue, she emailed and asked that I come over. I was giddy and half thought I was in trouble. It’s been a while that someone invited me in, asked me questions, and offered wisdom. I felt vulnerable and cared for and shared with her that I felt an Esther moment coming on (not now, but soon) remembering how I had heard Ann Voskamp call our generation the Esther Generation. The last few weeks I’ve been thinking about what a serious proclamation that really is. Was Ann prophesying over us? Read Esther if you haven’t in a while and let’s talk about it soon.
For now, I just have this question. Where are the older men and women who will take us in? All it takes is one, really. Just one hour and maybe one cup of coffee. And before you lean forward and say, “YEAH! Where are they?” Consider that we are all the older woman for somebody. It only takes one. My time with Sue was so good and healing that I walked straight in the door to my babysitter who’s honestly become one of my dearest friends, and I made arrangements with her to make our relationship legit. We had a DTR. We talk all the time, mostly laughing, but this is our chance. I see so much in my Abigail, and that day I had the feeling that Sue saw much in me, too. That’s the kind of thing that can take you for miles.
It’s important, no matter what stage we’re in, that we invite the younger ones in. I need Sue. I need my Mama and my Mother-in-law and my Julia. I also need Abigail and Hope, two girls who would freak out if they knew how much I love them. We need to put on Esther eyes and desire freedom for our people.
Now it’s time for me to tell you that so much is stirring. My Titus does NOT have this terrible metabolic disorder we had been told he might have, so I feel like all the lights just turned GREEN. When I told people on Facebook, I was so happy that I said, “EVERYBODY BOOTYSHAKE!” And they did, and you should, too.
We’re in a rent house, and the house right next door to us put a For-Sale sign in their yard. We made an offer on it by the end of the next day. I have held loosely to it, because remember this summer when we lost two different houses we thought we were buying? This time it’s actually happening, and we’re moving in 5 days! We get to settle somewhere, which is good, because I have the hold-on-for-dear-life feeling. More on that soon, too.
I’ll be here once in a while over the next few weeks, so subscribe or check in when you can. I’ll be back for real after the move.
This is my blog so I need to be random and point out that some of the women who’ve led me the most were all named Sue. That’s my mother-in-law’s name and the name of the woman who met me last week. And then there was Sue Gallant, who would sing and open her hands at church when I was a girl, and I believed her, even when I didn’t believe. Then there was Sue Willoughby who said GRACE and it meant something so beautiful when she said it. Susan means Graceful Lily. If you’re having a baby girl, there you go.
–Also, if you aren’t in a study right now, please consider joining IF:Equip. I’m doing it because it’s simple Bible. You read a short passage and then journal through 3 simple questions. Then there’s a little video, 5 days a week. Today SUSIE Davis and I do the video part. Coincidence? No way. Come on and join us.