Stay in It: The Un-Ministry of Love in the Time of Locker Room Talk


Trump and Hilary bobble their heads, and my laundry needs folding. I have appointments to keep and kids to feed. My life is small, and we have dark days, but I can tell you what I know while you’re out there. While I’m in here spraying week-old ketchup off my counter tops, I need to tell you some things so you won’t freeze up.

This is love in the time of p****-grabbing men. Love in the time of “locker-room talk.” I need to speak plainly, and then I need to write like a prophet, because we need to get out there. This is not a political post, but please let’s remember that no government will ever bring us freedom. We are already Easter People. That’s what this is about.

Get Healthy

But first things first, before I get to the heart, before we get too far, let’s check our attachments. If you are not healthy, maybe you need to step into some safe walls, away from the world. It’s time. Right now. When wrong attachments set in (food, drugs, sex, money, perfection), we cannot stay in the world as it is. Sometimes you have to put down the bottle, turn off the internet, and walk away, ground your feet to the dirt and your heart to the sky. Sometimes you have to make a habit, a rule of life, that centers you, and this is actually what brings you freedom. But once you’re there, or as we find that place together, let’s consider how we can possibly live in the world without becoming exactly like bobble heads ourselves. Let’s make a deal about it.

Do NOT Minister to Me

Don’t come ministering to me, and I won’t minister to you, though light may slip out the creases – like it does when darkness powers the world. May KINGDOM COME, but let’s keep it straight. I am not your jigsaw puzzle, and you are not my corn maze. It’s just that Light is always an intruder on its own. We are not the Dawn, but the son rises nonetheless. It’s nature. It’s science. Light is my religion. I hope it’s the one we share.

(Read John Chapter 1. Of course Jesus was the ultimate example of what it should mean to be a minister, but as I know Him more, I see that he rather just oozed light, and light makes life. He worked in light from the beginning. He is light. I’d like to take my queues from him.)

Stay in It

When I get the chance, I take it.

Where I used to minister to you, now I’ll smoke with you, drink with you, shake my ass with you. I won’t pretend I don’t say ass; that’s asinine; I’ll eat at your table, yes please; I’ll stay up all night; I’ll never be afraid of the night. Never be afraid of the night. I’ll tell you you’re not the queer one. It is not just you. It’s all of us. I don’t belong here. We don’t belong here.

So much is fool’s gold. Let the rule be that you recognize fool’s gold. Don’t let it line your pockets. Go for the pure stuff. Your words are lined with eternity. They glint and carry. Say them pure and strong.

I don’t need you to have my faith. It’s flimsy. I don’t need you to agree with me. It wiggles on a spectrum. I have watched, nothing to do with it, the Spirit of God have her way. I am not ashamed of the gospel. I will tell you what is mine. I don’t need you to agree. I only need to live Kingdom, turn my cheek, Jesus under my breath. I am not ministering to you, but life always finds a way if we don’t bushel over it with the love of polity, and this is how we will see the world heal. I am becoming, but don’t do as I do. Follow light. I won’t be afraid of my own dark night. I won’t be afraid to dance, to hold my cup high. I work to not be afraid of my skin. Oh no. I’m a woman in the church. That’s okay. It’s okay. I’m learning. I’m dancing. Light sneaks out. I’m not ministering to you. I love you. I love you. Pass the smoke. Tell me the dark. Set it out in the light. I’ll bring mine, too. Light it up. Light it up. Breathe it in. This is real. You are not of this world.

Stay in it. It is yours to see through. It’s yours. Body forth. Kingdom on.

Shine. Simmer. Smoke.

About me


Soul Practices, Part 1: An Introduction
January 17, 2017
When There’s a Lion in Your Yard
November 18, 2016
What do you taste?
November 08, 2016
Dog Days
August 26, 2014
Be the child, then revolution.
June 02, 2014
You Inherit Me
May 21, 2014
You Have Not Come to Darkness
April 30, 2014
Thoughts On the Wait
April 07, 2014
A Haines Home Companion: On Limbo
February 27, 2014


Kelli McKnight
Reply October 11, 2016

"I am not your jigsaw puzzle, and you are not my corn maze." Gorgeous, poetic truth. Every word shared shines light. Thank you.

Nondwe Tola
Reply October 11, 2016

I love the raw truth written here. "I only need to live Kingdom" and it's Light that always sneaks out.
We smoke, lift our cups high, share the darkness,{politically (religiously) incorrect}; YET STILL the Light lights and we soldier on!
Love it!

Reply October 13, 2016

Thank you for the reminder to first get down from step-stools, towers or any other shaky structures we're using to ascend out of pain. Finding that I need to do a lot of that, and set aside judgement and certainty for now. It's difficult to draw boundaries in the dirt if I'm too far above it, and define whose corn maze is whose. A little easier on the ground.
Another plus is hearing Him down here above Donald and Hilary up there. After 20 years 'up there', I've heard enough for now anyway.
Thanks for the beautiful poetry, I am impressed when people can make pages (or pixels) sing such a song of wisdom!

    Reply October 14, 2016

    talking about simmering and smoking waiting for the fire...

Reply October 22, 2016

I want to swim in these words and to drink them. They make me cry and give me hope. They sing an old song, the song from before time. They bring my dead bones to life.

Reply February 16, 2017

I am just seeing this. I used to read more faithfully. Thank you for these words and the sentiments behind them. They help me.

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